Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
placidPapaya9970
1 12,270 M Pacing Forward 7
PathStep 47 Compassion hearts870 Forum posts70 Forum upvotes120 Current upvotes120 Age GroupTeen Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceApril 6, 2026
Bio



Recent forum posts
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life whatever this is
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 July 30th
...See more i am in a reality i am in a HOPELESS DEPRESSED life every day i dont want to get up to this *** every single day so many things stack up on me and i have to deal with it myself every day every single god damn day i deal with this *** with things i hate more and more i try to fix it instead i get Antagonized into something i am not i dont know who i am and who am i . i dont know what my name mans or just WHY WHY WHY EVERY THING I DONT know myself who i am why i am what that [ name ] is i hate everything more and more i am not able to care when i get hurt because im so sick of this like oh cool something hurts again oh cool its the same thing for the fifth time just be positive they said but i say [something i woud rather not say because they are not a nice combination of  not nice words ] i try not to but i want to so bad i just hate this life more and more like give me all you got and wait till i lose my god damn mind and antogonize me why not its totally normal right just leave me the *** alone i cant even have my own safe place or time to write or even think peaple dont respect my privacy enought for me to feel safe to do that i am a carefull man if i even can call myself something if i am a man means i will suffer alone in silence and rant here than you can call me that 
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 12 .
Pen Pals / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 July 21st
...See more into the world i hate it i dont want this i am supposed to be tough but who am i if i dont know myself i need to get my everything together i want to swear so bad i need to set this trash of a life straight if i failed i didint try hard enought this is on i will not do this enymore i am hurting myself i cant get me the *** out of here i cant do this do that handle that and deal with things like i said in my post life 11 every god damn day EVERY GOD DAMN DAY I DO THIS ABSOLUTE TRASH AND DEAL WITH SELFISH RATS WHO CANT CONTROL THEIR OWN LIFE AND CANT LISTEN TO ENY GOD DAMN REASON I AM SICK I AM TIRED I AM ANGRY I AM GOING TO EXPLODE I AM GOING TO EXPLODE SO BAD SOMEONE HELP ME WHAT THE *** DO I HAVE TO DO NOTHING EVERY GOD DAMN DAY EVERY ONE I DO THIS NOBODY IN MY LIFE ASKED ME ENYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE AND HOW I FEEL THEY ARE FORCED OR DONT CARE I CANT EVERY DAY EVERY SECOND OF THIS SICK DUMP DEALING WITH THIS TRASH OF A LIFE LISTENING TO THE ONES I CALL RATS THE CANT UNDERSTAND LOGIC NEVER CHANGE AND TAKE THEIR OWN PROBLEMATIC EMOCIONS ON ME SOMEBODY TELL ME BEFORE I SNAP INTO 134T PEACES AND TEAR EVERYTHING APART I HAD ENOUGTH I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE TRASH I AM A HUMAN AND I WILL NOT BE DEHUMANIZED AND USED AGAIN AND AGAIN I AM GOING TO SET THIS LINE STRAIGHT AND IF IT TRIES TO BEND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE IT I WILL MAKE TREIR OWN MISERY STAY INSIDE THEMSELFES THEIR OWN SELFISH HEAD GET TO THERAPY NOT TEARING APART YOUR MARRIEDGE AND YOUR SON GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF SOMEONE WHO I AM FORCED TO CALL MOTHER I AM NOT YOUR OBJECT I DONT BELONG TO HER I NEVER WANT TO SPEND A DAY LIKE THIS AGAIN I AM SICK TIRED AND HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS this is not something to blame everyone im not that kind of pearson i just thouht to write my regrets and pains and the horrible burning hatred for most i  have to deal with every day in my pearsonal life this is a cry for help if i can i cant even cry [ help me ] i can not it might be another thing my brain learned and i still hate it have fun and hope you dont catch my hatred and negative energy or whatever. good luck to you 
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 11
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 July 14th
...See more its not going well for me i cant do much even if i try whats left to do ... try harder 👍..i cant every day someone is taking their own frustracions on me they invalidate every logicall thing i woud say delusional acting immature unhinged , irracional , combative ,hypocritical ,exploitative ,  infantile, and more. i feel dehumanized, exausted, invalidated antagonized, resentfull, atp only a little bitter , smoldering, sometimes  Despondent , Abhorrence , Contemptuous , Enervated , Exasperated , Aggrieved , Disillusioned, rancor , Animosity, Loathing , Detestation , Infuriated , Instrumentalized , Alienated , and for the cherry on top to make this more horrible Desensitized, a little Callous , Unbroken , hopefull , Desecrated , excruciated, so thats some part of it maybe with these words someone can get the picture and thats one picture of many i will have to make many more of these to give you the book with these pictures but i dont think someone will want to see the full picture untill i pay them and that is sad depressing and making me feel more lost alone and more like i dont belong here i feel more missundestood and not understood but that is a part of how i feel every second of this not life but misery and all that from one of 2 peaple that are supposed to be my safety and frends speaking logically a guardian  that is a sad resentfull picture i deal with every day at shool or home its almost the same that is one picture and it already sounds horrible so horrible that i dont have words there is a reason i used so many words i love to share my picture because this might be 1 happy thing in my day bacause i dont have many happy things in a day i want to share many things but will there be enought time and if there is its not fun just talking to myself if you made it here i feel sorry for your time wasted on me and some more things thank you this is not the end this is the beginning - 99% sure someone / this 1 thing is a battle and not the war a war has many battles and i have a war every day some worse some better but all are bad or horrible there is so much in this that you coud make out some more from the other pictures my story might be interesting to someone like a story you might like that every time you read more you make out and understand and more keep coming it migth be fun if you like a emocionall roller coaster i enjoy this and plan on making more and more i love this this is a picture of a war that might be longer than half of my life in class i coud never write this much ever if i tried this is amazing if you made it here thank you x2 i kind of got distracted and i am amazed you made it here this is long and if you like getting a picture or want to learn something or get something you are welcome to try i woud wish that one day i will make this into something usefull for peaple that learn or enjoy this i hope that happens and someone will learn something new or learn something of who i am really not in normall every day averedge place but alone at 1 ; 12 am with a clear mind and something i want to share thank you really and hope someone gets me my war or at least 1 picture that is what i enjoy too i hope you had fun but now i need sleep have fun i will be back 😎
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 10
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 July 17th
...See more going to sleep its late and it reminds me of the worse times in my life when i was in pain i woud not want to know again i dont like how my body reacts to some things but for short it = pain so not great but i am not going to give up i will not fall untill i find my own reason for existing if i coud this woud sound more dramatic but i kind  of lack the understanding of writing i just write not well but casual i do this because sometimes i cant express myself enought in a day or some time and that happens often and im not happy for that reason but i am happy when someone cares because this gives me hope that my kind of pearsonality at least what is left of it still exists in others i hope that someones kindness will not be taken advantege of and that everyone who reads this will find the true feeling of helping each other and find the will to go on with your life wish to someone that read this well and for now goodnight .... there is nothing left here now but i cant find a word or a thought what i want to write i just want to write more i might make so many but there maybe will be one day enought to get who i am and trying to be because i dont know myself ..
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 9
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 July 8th
...See more not doing well but not doing good i dont know much and that is scaring me i need to know i need to remember i need to wake up i need to get it together and think i need to REMEMBER i need to i need to know why i am like this but i cant remember if i cant remember then i will think did it ever happen ... i think not know . and thats horrible i need to remember damn it i need to or i might lose who i was and become someone else and that is whats so terrifying . imagine if you stopped existing and someone else was in your body and you coud do nothing that does not sound good to me  i used to fear it so much i was scared to sleep because what if when i woke up it woud not be me .
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 8
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 July 1st
...See more calm before the storm  i know its coming i know i will suffer i know i will need to try harder but i know how it works i know what to do and i know what i have to do to survive that just the start but if i dont try then i cant complain if i have a choice i woud rather for my life to not be like this but now what can i do i can try  if i dont i will be disappointed in myself
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 7
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 June 22nd
...See more i dont look tired but i am really tired
placidPapaya9970 profile picture
life 6 .
Journals & Diaries / by placidPapaya9970
Last post
 June 18th
...See more some time ago was my b day i didint show it of but i coud like if i didint care or expect enything . i dont know  if im too tired to try and connect with peaple or just dont want to 
Search more from @placidPapaya9970
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
40 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Bubbly Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Strong Start Milestone Journeying Strong Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Group Chimer Group Chatter Group Supporter Group Carer Group Healer Supportive Smile Friendly Face 7 Day Streak 14 Day Streak 30 Day Streak Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan's Heart Strong Bond I Hang 10
Report an issue