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pluckyBanana4256
1 15,213 M Progress Road 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts300 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes42 Current upvotes42 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceMarch 13, 2021
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Is it bad that I ‘hate’ my mother
Family & Caregivers / by pluckyBanana4256
Last post
 March 22nd, 2023
...See more Please don’t judge because I just need to get this off my chest but I would also love to hear some opinions on what I have to say. I am relatively young, in my 20s and I think I hate my mother. My father was rarely in my life so this revelation feels worse. I believe my mother has npd. I have spend hours reading into it, seeing therapists and trying to learn how to handle it and cope while maintaining a relationship with her. However, I don’t think can do it anymore. She never accepts blame or responsibility for upsetting and/or hurting me. She belittles me, trivialises my deepest pain, demands I take care of her and my siblings even though no one really cares or takes care of me, she competes with me (calls me fat, tells me time in the gym is pointless, tells me my legs are huge, I’m not as smart as I think and always looks to imitate or better things I achieve). She openly says she doesn’t view me as an adult with views and a separate life to her even though over the years I have sought to calmly explain my annoyances. Its hard because I feel like I’ve failed, I feel like I should be able to put up with these things. I question my sanity daily going through the question of whether I’m being irrational or emotional or ungrateful that she is my mum. She does this thing of instead of apologising she will fake an illness and tell me I can’t get mad at her because she’s sick. I could go on and on and probably write a book about my life with her. If I refuse to forgive and move on (even though she had never actually apologised to me), she gets her friends to bombard my phone with calls and tell me how ‘i will regret this in the future’. I’m no angel and I don’t particularly want sympathy, I get angry and yell quiet a bit. I also retort her comments with hurtful things back. But it hit me today that I actually do hate her and don’t want to be around her anymore. Mothers and daughters are meant to be the best of friends but mine doesn’t care about me - who I really am outside of how I serve her. The issue is I move abroad for my masters in October and don’t know what to do in the meantime. I’m tired of constantly being used and pushed around while also being invalidated. It took me to be 21 for someone to say my feelings were valid and matters. I don’t know where to go from here so I just wanted to write this down and maybe hear other people’s views. If I’m missing something or there’s something I could try I would happily hear some advice but God knows I’m lost and tired. thanks for reading this far!
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