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politeHuman9360
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2015 Member sinceDecember 5, 2015
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I have BPD Should I leave this relationship?
Personality Disorders Support / by politeHuman9360
Last post
 December 14th, 2015
...See more Can I please have advice, please don't judge me I'm looking for an honest perspective on this situation it's really gone out of hand in my life... story is that I have insecurity and jealously issues, I believe it was influenced with my ex who cheated on me countless times. I found out all of his accounts (same password). It was my first relationship and it was devastating. I got into my second relationship with a good guy, but I think I react more too things and situations out of fear or defence and I know I wasn't like this before. With my first ex I would let so much slide, my jealously was on a normal level. If my partner now looks at another girl or compliments another girl for example, I will flip out. I will drink, or smoke or get really irrational and I get panick attacks I have attempted sucide many times when I'm too overwhelmed, and the emotions are unbearable. We've been through so much together, he is a really patient guy but he says it's getting out of control. Please don't judge me my intentions towards him are not bad, I've tried so hard to think logically but something like watching pornography, looking at another girl or a girl flirting with him I flip my shit. I constantly accuse him of cheating on me, he calls me delusional and crazy. I never got jealous with my ex I'm not sure why, but I know I take things out of proportion and he says I jump to conclusions. He says he is 'into a variety of different women' and I'm drunk and cutting and I don't know why, I also get worse panic attacks and 'what ifs' when i'm coming off from weed. I love him a lot, and I know women look at him he is tall, kind, (ideal) I know he is polite with them. I have been diagnosed with GAD anxiety, delusional disorder, borderline personality disorder. We've been together for almost 3 years, Sometimes we don't fight for a week or 2 and I try my best to change. Something minor to emotionally healthy* people come up and I spiral out of control taking him down with me. He is a good guy, I know a few envy my place. But do you think it's selfish for him to stay with me? should I move on and leave him in peace? thanks
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