I have BPD Should I leave this relationship?
Can I please have advice, please don't judge me I'm looking for an honest perspective on this situation it's really gone out of hand in my life...
story is that I have insecurity and jealously issues, I believe it was influenced with my ex who cheated on me countless times. I found out all of his accounts (same password). It was my first relationship and it was devastating. I got into my second relationship with a good guy, but I think I react more too things and situations out of fear or defence and I know I wasn't like this before.
With my first ex I would let so much slide, my jealously was on a normal level. If my partner now looks at another girl or compliments another girl for example, I will flip out. I will drink, or smoke or get really irrational and I get panick attacks I have attempted sucide many times when I'm too overwhelmed, and the emotions are unbearable.
We've been through so much together, he is a really patient guy but he says it's getting out of control. Please don't judge me my intentions towards him are not bad, I've tried so hard to think logically but something like watching pornography, looking at another girl or a girl flirting with him I flip my shit.
I constantly accuse him of cheating on me, he calls me delusional and crazy. I never got jealous with my ex I'm not sure why, but I know I take things out of proportion and he says I jump to conclusions.
He says he is 'into a variety of different women' and I'm drunk and cutting and I don't know why, I also get worse panic attacks and 'what ifs' when i'm coming off from weed. I love him a lot, and I know women look at him he is tall, kind, (ideal) I know he is polite with them.
I have been diagnosed with GAD anxiety, delusional disorder, borderline personality disorder.
We've been together for almost 3 years, Sometimes we don't fight for a week or 2 and I try my best to change. Something minor to emotionally healthy* people come up and I spiral out of control taking him down with me. He is a good guy, I know a few envy my place. But do you think it's selfish for him to stay with me? should I move on and leave him in peace? thanks
Have you tried becoming aware of the emotions you have and then challenging them (through the use of say DBT)?
I think people and relationships can change and evolve. My boo has bpd and I've never thought about leaving because we're in the fight together and I know we can keep doing better.
If you believe you can overcome these with his help, things can get better :) slowly but surely.
Ask him what his thoughts are as well! Talk to him, partners of bpd individuals usually have some idea of what's going on. Communicate with him, ask him to help. You're not alone in this
No, not unless you're not interested in him. We're just as worthy of love as anyone else, regardless of our illness.
I recently started dating someone, and right off the bat I said "listen, before either of us gets attached, I have bpd, anxiety, PTSD, psychosis, and depression... and there are some things you need to know...." and then I went into gory detail of all of my symptoms, even the "scary" ones like making him my "favorite person"/being dependant and clingy, my jealousy, my trust issues, my intimacy and identity issues, my self harm and self destructive behaviours, my suicide attempts, my anxiety attacks, triggers, my dissociation, delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, nightmares, flashbacks, my moods, I'm not kidding I literally sent him a freaking novel explaining every single reason why he should not date me.
And then? He stuck around, accepted it, said we'd just have to communicate a lot more and he's literally so patient and understanding with me. And yes, I have split on him and accused him of things already, and then I apologized and told him why that had happened when the mood passed.
What concerns me is that he calls you delusional and crazy. That's unacceptable. I actually AM delusional and I don't need it thrown in my face or used against me. Whether or not you are, it's still not something he should use as a slur or throw in your face. I'd talk to him about it, give him an 'out', let him take it if he wants it, but don't just break up with him because you don't think you're deserving of love.
and just to add to my post, if he says he doesn't mean anything by saying those things (delusional/crazy/etc) and says it out of habit, tell him it's not okay. He can learn to stop.
I dated a guy for 4 years, my bpd did end up ruining it, but his sister was born without eyes and when we first got together I'd say "are you blind?" or "you have eyes, look yourself!" etc. just because it's things I've heard my whole life, I never thought it'd offend anyone..
BUT! It offended him because of his sister. And that's when I trained myself to stop saying those things so that I wouldn't hurt him or his family by accident.
If he cares about you, he'll do it.
I can honestly say that I understand where you are coming from. I don't think you should leave the relationship but trying to change a few things, yes. It's hard on him, but it's even harder on you because you don't want to be this way but you have been through a lot. I think you should trust him, until he gives you a reason not to trust him. Sometimes we have to practice at not being so jealous or so crazy over our men. It's hard once you have been hurt, but he didn't do it, your ex did so why should he suffer for what your ex did to you. I would talk to him and tell him you are having a hard time but you are wondering if he could help you with your issues. Tell him how you don't want to be irrational and out of control and see what he says :) I wish you the best!
