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powerfulCup3720
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts33 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceDecember 11, 2017
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Hey-does anyone have any good recommendations for Discord for depression support/issues/forums?
Depression Support / by powerfulCup3720
Last post
 January 13th, 2025
...See more Hey-does anyone have any good recommendations for *** for depression support/issues/forums?
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My journal-all comments, thoughts, or even support very much welcome.
Journals & Diaries / by powerfulCup3720
Last post
 September 6th, 2020
...See more Im starting this in a bad place. Partly starting it *because* im in a bad place. I was struggling before the lockdown and virus were issues. Now Im struggling more. I had a bad childhood thanks to my family I no longer have contact with, except for rare essential moments. My whole life I have struggled with extreme social anxiety and anxiety generally, because of my upbringing. The last few years I had finally begun to change, began to stand up for myself, assert myself, state my needs, found a couple of support groups, a possible therapist. Started trying some self help groups. Started the very beginnings of socialising. Began to express my creative side more openly. Then the lockdown came and took the socialising and support groups away, and the therapy is now only online video based. And my family became worse. Saying nastier things about me, being even more nasty and unfair. And Im having bigger and bigger realisations about my childhood, and how badly they treat me-and Im struggling with it. I am the dog that is beaten by its owner yet keeps returning to them when I feel scared. Even though I know a lot of my fear comes FROM my owner (ie, family of origin) mistreating me as a kid. How can I be so aware of something yet struggle to break the pattern? Anyway-right now, because my parents are old, I was already worried about them dying before I got any kind of resolution, closure, or even reconciliation or apology from them (not that they ever showed signs of doing that-and I had tried everything, bent over backwards, and spent my whole life previously trying to please them, keep them calm, sorting things out)-now thanks to the virus issues, its even more impossible. My support structures are gone, life is so much more hassle anyway due to anxiety about caution over distancing, handwashing, short supplies, future fears due to the economy, etc, etc. And the notion of family therapy is even less practical than ever, and a distant thought if my parents both survive the virus risk and are around when face to face therapy is happening again. I tried it once before with them-the therapist badly let me down, my dad sat there lying on the few occasions he did turn up, and my mother, the main emotional abuser in my life, just acted her usual self. I have been badly let down by many therapists before. I have one now, who has been of SOME help-but Im concerned her aims for helping me ultimately dont fit with things. I never had the courage to stand up to my family and say what I really felt. For most of my life I even agreed with them, hated myself, pleased them, and thought they were right. Now, I strongly feel I must say some things to them and stand up to them finally-while there's time. I feel like its an essential part of my journey. But my therapist seems to want me to avoid that and just tell her everything, with her belief being that, if I 'want it bad enough' (whatever that means), that through this process, I will come out the other side simply not CARING what my family think, feel or say to me/about me, and will no longer feel any need to say the things I feel a need to. All I know is; the more I began to speak up and find my voice with them, the more I felt able to go out into the world and feel less afraid and stand up for myself. So this issue is causing me a lot of worry and is a huge dilemma-and I'd welcome any and all thoughts, suggestions, alternative views, support-anything, as I feel kind of stuck right now. I dont have a support network now, and as I grew and changed, my so called friends quickly abandoned me once they realised I was no longer their dogsbody but actually had needs and emotions myself. So I find myself in this weird world we currently live in, struggling really badly these past few days especially, and unsure of where to turn for support or empathy or alternative views-or even just contact and connection. I used to use forums like these often, but it fell away for a time. Now I feel I need to use them again, as I am really, really hurting. I feel angry at my family, and yet also a yearning for them to be kind to me and show me support and love. I feel lonely, worried, anxious, stressed, and unsure where to turn. I feel depressed, and am finding it very difficult to do even small things right now due to all of this. Lastly, Im struggling to get out of my home for simple walks, because I live on a high floor in a building with a tiny cramped lift, and many, many flights of communal stairs and am worried about catching the virus that way. So-Im not in a good place at all right now, could really use some contact, or just views on my attempts to write a journal as and when I feel up to it/the need for it.
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