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practicalPenny8197
1 960 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2025 Member sinceDecember 15, 2024
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Unsure and Fake Confidence
Self-Esteem / by practicalPenny8197
Last post
 January 3rd, 2025
...See more So this is my first post. I'm trying really hard to focus on being patient with myself and loving myself. My therapist has helped me pay attention to my triggers, but I look at myself and my fears and my struggles and I wonder why my fiance would want to be with me. I am happy to have him in my life, but I feel like I need to hurry up and show him how flawed I am so that he can finally realize I am too much work, too messed up, and leave me already so that I can go back to reinforcing my negative self beliefs. See, even though I recognize that I am anxious and lack self-esteem, that recognition doesn't stop me from thinking those horrible things. And I know that if I am not careful, I am going to lose the opportunity to build a future with this wonderful man. So how do I tell my anxiety to shut up? How can I look at my overweight self in the mirror and understand that my super hot fiance actually loves me and wants me? It's more like I'm the one with the judgmental issues, even though I'm the one that is overweight. Objectively I know that I am a great catch, but now that there is an actual man involved in my life, I feel like I need to simultaneously protect him from my crazy inner-conciousness, but also show him that craziness so that he has an opportunity to save himself before he goes down with this sinking ship. And now I feel like all the confidence I had at the beginning of our relationship was a fake portrayal of who I really am, but I want to get back to that woman who was confident before things got so real between us. Please help me know how to love myself and not self-sabotage.
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