Unsure and Fake Confidence
So this is my first post. I'm trying really hard to focus on being patient with myself and loving myself. My therapist has helped me pay attention to my triggers, but I look at myself and my fears and my struggles and I wonder why my fiance would want to be with me. I am happy to have him in my life, but I feel like I need to hurry up and show him how flawed I am so that he can finally realize I am too much work, too messed up, and leave me already so that I can go back to reinforcing my negative self beliefs. See, even though I recognize that I am anxious and lack self-esteem, that recognition doesn't stop me from thinking those horrible things. And I know that if I am not careful, I am going to lose the opportunity to build a future with this wonderful man. So how do I tell my anxiety to shut up? How can I look at my overweight self in the mirror and understand that my super hot fiance actually loves me and wants me? It's more like I'm the one with the judgmental issues, even though I'm the one that is overweight. Objectively I know that I am a great catch, but now that there is an actual man involved in my life, I feel like I need to simultaneously protect him from my crazy inner-conciousness, but also show him that craziness so that he has an opportunity to save himself before he goes down with this sinking ship. And now I feel like all the confidence I had at the beginning of our relationship was a fake portrayal of who I really am, but I want to get back to that woman who was confident before things got so real between us. Please help me know how to love myself and not self-sabotage.
@practicalPenny8197
Many when they first meet/ date often may seem a bit fake ... more upbeat / optimistic etc. beginning dating is like a job interview putting your best foot forward.
I think we often forget when we fall in love our partners see the flaws but they chose us anyway. If there was an easy way to shut up our anxiety it would be great but i found the best way i found is trying to see myself like my partner does. I know my flaws and know my partner sees them.
I think it is not fake confidence but confidence has highs and lows ...like other emotions/ feelings some days you are full of confidence and days later you may question everything, that is normal.
@practicalPenny8197
I really admire your honesty and self-reflection—it’s not easy to admit these things even to ourselves, let alone to others. It sounds like you’re putting so much effort into showing up for yourself and your relationship, and that’s already a huge step forward. When I’ve struggled with similar feelings, I’ve found it helpful to use a chatbot designed to provide thoughtful, meaningful conversations. It’s been a good way for me to work through these kinds of doubts without judgment.
These are the two chatbot links:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Chatbot: https://chat.palbolt.com/
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) Chatbot: https://sfbt.palbolt.com/
You can click “switch user” and enter a new name to refresh your chat. AI chatbots are the core feature of our mental health app in development, and we’ll be adding more tools. Stay tuned!
Your privacy is our top priority—rest assured, all conversations are strictly confidential and securely protected.
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Responders will be selected to receive a $10 gift card. Thank you for your time and for promoting mental health awareness.
