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purpleFlower7488
1 320 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceAugust 8, 2022
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So miserable at work
Work & Career / by purpleFlower7488
Last post
 July 3rd, 2023
...See more Hi. I recently started a new job and I'm so so so miserable. I have cried every day since starting and have begun experiencing dissociation at work to the point where sometimes I can't feel my arms. I don't understand why it's so bad. Some background: I started 3 weeks ago. This job is in Lebanon, and I am from the US. I have been in Lebanon working for the last 6 months with a different organization. I love living in Lebanon and love my time outside of work here. I was very happy before starting this job. The new job is in a field I love (humanitarian) but the work I am responsible for is truly awful. I feel so isolated. I spend all day sitting alone in silence. My coworkers are nice but not social. I am such a people person and miss working face to face with people so badly. It's where I get my energy from. I was previously working as a teacher. I don't even enjoy teaching and don't want to go into a teaching career but I loved being able to engage with students. I am so sad at my new job that I find myself looking for teaching volunteer opportunities after work hours (to no avail), despite the fact that I literally took this job to get away from teaching. Also I cannot go back to my old organization as it was not financially viable at all. All I think about while working is how I'll be able to get a new job when my contract ends, even though that is an entire year from now. I don't think I can make it a year here. I think I have also began to experience some symptoms of depression. My entire personality at work has changed. I feel like I am acting so withdrawn. I'm losing interest in things I used to enjoy. I am usually such an upbeat and energetic person but at work I feel like a shell of myself. However, I really love my time outside of work. I have a great group of friends and am much happier in terms of non-work life than I was back in the US. I feel so revitalized and happy when I'm with them. However, I am concerned. The majority of friends I have here will leave the country within 5 months. My time with them is the only thing that is keeping me going. I am hoping that in 5 months I will have formed new friendships but so far it has been hard given how isolating my work is. Even the coworkers I share an apartment with explicitly told me how they prefer to be by themselves and how they don't really do social things. I am also the youngest person at work by nearly a decade, which makes me feel even more lonely. I don't know what to do. I am trying to keep myself fulfilled with my time outside of work but it doesn't really balance out when 8.5 hours a day 5 days a week I am miserable. I feel okay continuing for now and going one day at a time (since its only been 3 weeks and I really do enjoy my non-work life) but I am concerned for the long term. Once my friends are gone I feel like I'm going to break. Any thoughts would help.
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