So miserable at work
Hi. I recently started a new job and I'm so so so miserable. I have cried every day since starting and have begun experiencing dissociation at work to the point where sometimes I can't feel my arms. I don't understand why it's so bad.
Some background: I started 3 weeks ago. This job is in Lebanon, and I am from the US. I have been in Lebanon working for the last 6 months with a different organization. I love living in Lebanon and love my time outside of work here. I was very happy before starting this job. The new job is in a field I love (humanitarian) but the work I am responsible for is truly awful. I feel so isolated. I spend all day sitting alone in silence. My coworkers are nice but not social. I am such a people person and miss working face to face with people so badly. It's where I get my energy from. I was previously working as a teacher. I don't even enjoy teaching and don't want to go into a teaching career but I loved being able to engage with students. I am so sad at my new job that I find myself looking for teaching volunteer opportunities after work hours (to no avail), despite the fact that I literally took this job to get away from teaching. Also I cannot go back to my old organization as it was not financially viable at all. All I think about while working is how I'll be able to get a new job when my contract ends, even though that is an entire year from now. I don't think I can make it a year here.
I think I have also began to experience some symptoms of depression. My entire personality at work has changed. I feel like I am acting so withdrawn. I'm losing interest in things I used to enjoy. I am usually such an upbeat and energetic person but at work I feel like a shell of myself.
However, I really love my time outside of work. I have a great group of friends and am much happier in terms of non-work life than I was back in the US. I feel so revitalized and happy when I'm with them. However, I am concerned. The majority of friends I have here will leave the country within 5 months. My time with them is the only thing that is keeping me going. I am hoping that in 5 months I will have formed new friendships but so far it has been hard given how isolating my work is. Even the coworkers I share an apartment with explicitly told me how they prefer to be by themselves and how they don't really do social things. I am also the youngest person at work by nearly a decade, which makes me feel even more lonely.
I don't know what to do. I am trying to keep myself fulfilled with my time outside of work but it doesn't really balance out when 8.5 hours a day 5 days a week I am miserable. I feel okay continuing for now and going one day at a time (since its only been 3 weeks and I really do enjoy my non-work life) but I am concerned for the long term. Once my friends are gone I feel like I'm going to break. Any thoughts would help.
@purpleFlower7488 I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time at your new job. It sounds like a challenging situation, especially given your love for humanitarian work and the isolation you're experiencing. It's understandable that this has been affecting your well-being and causing feelings of depression.
It's great that you have a supportive group of friends outside of work, and they seem to bring you joy and happiness. As for your concerns about them leaving in five months, it's natural to feel worried about losing that support network. In the meantime, try to cherish the time you have with them and keep an open mind about forming new friendships in the future.
While you're feeling miserable at work, remember that it's okay to take things one day at a time. It's still early in your new job, and perhaps things may improve over time. However, if you find that your mental and emotional well-being continues to suffer, it might be worth considering seeking professional support or exploring other job opportunities that align better with your interests and needs.
Remember that your feelings and concerns are valid, and it's essential to prioritize your well-being. Take care of yourself and don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a professional for support and guidance during this challenging time.
