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purpleShade2715
135 M Embraced 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2022 Member sinceFebruary 21, 2022
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Am I being unreasonable???
Anxiety Support / by purpleShade2715
Last post
 June 2nd, 2022
...See more I'm looking on advice on something that is waking me up at night. I've had a falling out with my dad. Not even a proper falling out, we had an argument and he hasn't spoken to me since, yet tells everyone we've fallen out. Now he said some severely hurtful things to, and does not care ( he never has, i have PTSD for the abuse he put me through growing up, both verbally and physically ) the last time I set foot in his house, he told me "fuck off and we'll start distancing again" (someone in my partners family who we hadn't been near tested positive for covid, and he spent two weeks switching between screaming at my brother who lives with him, and messaging me saying things like "you're all determined to infect me with covid" , "you can't wait until im gone so I'm no longer a burden" - then kept bringing up the past. This is the man who, every time he raises his voice, it gives me flashbacks of him towering over my tiny body as a child, ready to swing another punch with a face twisted up with hatred any time he was angry. Many people would do nothing for someone who has put them through such a childhood, however i have bent over backwards for him for years. 11 years actually since my mum walked out when I was 17 (she couldn't take his abuse anymore, she was regularly covered in bruises and often kept from leaving the house until her face had cleared up .) He uses my brothers disability to his own advantages ( He's autistic and epileptic - never been taught independence because "he's autistic, he can't do that" , "can't go there, he might have a seizure" ) In the last year, he has been going around telling everyone he has cancer and COPD. He definitely has COPD. However the cancer has not been diagnosed - he was told he would need CAT scans every so often to see if a growth is cancerous or benign, but he becomes irrationally angry when his hospital appointments come through, and simply hasn't gone to an appointment before Christmas- he is just loving being able to pull the sympathy card (I'm dying is this how the end of my life is going to be) My partner and myself have rearranging our schedules for a year to help get his house tidied and looking nice (hoarder) yet when we had returned the following weeks, the place had been turned upside down again - forever buying useless things from ebay, then blames my grandma, his mum, for buying him things to clutter his house. She buys him food, toiletries, cleaning products that can all be put away, its HIS purchases cluttering his house. He says things like "i can't wait until my mum dies so she doesn't bring me anything" - this is a woman who loves helping family, possibly early dementia so telling her to stop buying certain things does nothing as she forgets what you've said My partner received a rather nasty injury moving slabs in his garden, and my dad had the audacity to say it was an attention thing. My partner was on crutches for 3 months, and a walking stick for a further 5 months as he couldn't put weight on his ankle. He still can't fully walk properly a full year later. Yet he still went out his way trying to help my dad as much as possible, until april when he decided to talk shit about my partners entire side of the family, he started smashing up his house in an angry rage in front of my 1 year old daughter,which my partner was visibly irritated about, yet apparently we were in the wrong because my dad tried to justify scaring my toddler stating (she needs to learn the world isn't all unicorns and rainbows) who says this about a ONE year old ??!! He also regularly shames my son (also autistic, adhd and PDA) for "not behaving like other children his age (5) Now enough back story. My grandma knows basically nothing about everything her son has done over the years, i made sure of it to protect his dignity Unfortunately she comes on the phone every week giving it *you should phone your dad* - why??!; Just WHY should I go running to a man who ignores my messages and does not give a shit about his daughter??;; am I being unreasonable wanting an apology? Not that I'll get one, narcissists don't apologize! My grandma says she doesn't know what happened she just wants us to talk again. Should I tell her the real reason ? She does know he has anger issue as he's stormed out her house having tantrums when things don't go his way many of times
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Struggling to cope
Depression Support / by purpleShade2715
Last post
 April 22nd, 2022
...See more So I'm struggling to cope with my mental health at the moment, quite a bit more than usual. Like those times where you don't feel like getting out bed, going to work doing anything with the kids (i still force myself to spend time with my kids, they don't deserve to suffer because in not feeling 100%) tidying the house etc. There has been several occasions where I would feel down for absolutely no reason over the years. I would dance, make a pizza (something about kneading the dough seems to calm me) go for a walk, workout, draw.. But these last few weeks, nothing is working . what do you do when the reason you feel like this, is because of a parent? I've always had a weird relationship with my dad, but I can't take it anymore. Nothing i do is good enough. Everything i do is the wrong thing. He will full on scream at me and smash his house up when things don't go his way - or even at the slightest inconvenience. He is already on thin ice with social work due to their concerns of his behavior while he's the carer of my disabled brother. I cant keep living in fear worrying about how my dad will react to everything that happens. I love him so much because hes my dad so I cant just cut him off. But I've come to realize, the love is only there because he's my dad. If he was some random, I'd likely have had him either committed or arrested long long ago. I get nothing in return. No thanks for my help. Only an obligatory apology before he asks for my help again. I cant live like this. My in-laws are so supportive of me, but my blood family won't listen when I beg for help with my dad. Help???
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