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queeneve84
205 M Embraced 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceMay 30, 2020
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This, on my birthday weekend
Anxiety Support / by queeneve84
Last post
 May 30th, 2020
...See more Hey, brand new here. Yesterday my sister told me that she and her four kids are moving to North Carolina. Tomorrow is my birthday, haha. My mother said 'maybe it's an opportunity to talk to her! Yeah, AT MY FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY PARTY. Year before last, my family went on a vacation all together to the Magical World of Harry Potter. Long story short, my brother in law ruined the trip for me. He was such an unbelieveable jerk and a bully. If it were just me, maybe I wouldn't be as mad, but to watch him insult my sister and her kids and my sister just going 'you're right I am lazy, you're so funny haha!" The main incident was when he called my and his eight year old daughter babies for not wanting salsa in our eggs. If it were just me, maybe I'd be more okay with it, but G has already been diagnosed with anxiety, she's so fragile and she has to deal with bullying from her own father. Anyway, my sister and I had a big blowout over it. I shouldn't have lashed out at HER (her husband was the one who caused it). My parents wer in the room! They heard him calling me names. But here's the worst part: Everyone decided it was MY fault, and demanded I appologize. My mother, who has literally NEVER shut up in her life, suddenly 'doesn't want to get in the middle of it'. My dad got really sick. He's better(ish) now, oddly it was my mother, a special needs teacher, that diagnosed him with Myesthenia Gravis. The meds are magic, he's doing okay now. But, back when we didn't know this she asked me if we were 'okay' in a room crowded with family during a crisis so I was like 'yeah'. But things are not okay. I can't imagine they ever will be. But everyone decided that it was over. That's what REALLY gets me about this whole thing. If my family didn't care, things would be more simple, maybe. They care a little, but not enough. Almost enough. The only people in this world I love, the people who literally saved my life in college because I couldn't bear the thought of my mother finding me--These people could take or leave me. And it's been the same story my whole life. I'm almost worth standing up for. Almost worth staying for. Almost in the top 10 in high school (no joke I was 11th). Almost worth loving. Almost. I wake up every morning knowing that I'm no one's first priority, not even to my own mother. I've tried really hard to pretend I'm okay, but I'm out of strength. Thank you for listening.
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