quickwittedNorth5962 Member Profile

...See more Hi! Am I actually slowly losing myself?? (Yes, another mental health issue case or not, please be patient. if you are a therapist, I would love to hear your suggestions.) 19F second-year computer application student. Recently, I cried during a lecture. Why? Even I don’t know, maybe it was pent up, my marks just triggered this. I got 22/40, pretty average(I have scored worse), and I’m used to it, but the first time I cried, not because of marks, but because of how I saw that I’m failing myself. My friend, who scored low in every course, scored better than I did. no I do not blame her. I blamed myself. I know I could have scored better, but I did not even try. I just read for 2 hours before the exam. That’s it, crazy, never did I ever go so low. And even if I had studied a day before, I know I could have scored, but I just couldn’t concentrate. I just put it off, saying I'll study it afterwards instead doom scrolled *** and reading thoughtless fanfictions. My brain has lost its sense of priority; this is not the first time either. I did this almost every exam, and because of that, I even have a backlog. These days, every single time something doesn’t go my way, I get so frustrated. Recently, we had a fun week in which they had character day and mix-n-match day. but 2 days before the event, they changed into twin day and jersey day. I was swearing the building would just burn; the same thing wouldn’t have bothered me 3 years ago. I was prepared, and it didn’t go that way. Many times, similar minor incidents have occurred. Is it pressure? I thought my mom was never in front of me, at least demanded to be a topper of my father: you passed great! My friends, most of them are smart. And I believe I don’t even have a toxic relationship with them either. Nor do I have pressure, not even a lecture problem; I have every resource and every gadget needed comfortable space to work, am I really just lazy? Yes, I have realised, but that does not help overcome my problem at all. I have nothing unfair going on in my life, and I stopped doing my favourite hobbies; I’m getting less creative day by day. (feels improbable because I would be the most creative person you would have met in my school days) I’m putting off everything: assignments, study, hobbies, getting up early, going to sleep,(I even put off posting this). I get tired, bored, or simply sad whenever I start to study nowadays (no, I was not like this before). Do you relate to this? Please suggest something to get over this. I don’t want to remain the same. I would love to hear your story. (No blaming pls I have drained myself doing that) TMI: It has come to my attention that I have a normal period when I don’t go to college for months. Once the semester starts, I start having irregular periods.

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