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quietOak4002
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PathStep 8 Compassion hearts35 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 18, 2024
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Hi, just needed to get this off my chest
Relationship Stress / by quietOak4002
Last post
 March 21st, 2024
...See more This maybe a long one, so thanks for reading. I met my partner 20 years ago and we were friends before anything else, we started getting close and I realised that i had feelings for him and we ended up getting together. It was wonderful, we were so in love. We both had our own places but he practically moved in with me, I didnt mind as i didnt want to be away from him. Everything was perfect! Then we moved into our first place together and everything went downhill from there. Hus mental health declined quickly and was basically laying in bed all day and i was left to fend for me and the kids.  I didn't know how to cope and how to ask for help either and to my shame i never got him help, couldn't keep up with the housework, laundry etc and the bills were spiraling out of control. It got so bad that we ended up losing the houseband had to move to temporary accommodation for a bit until we found a place. Our benefits were cut so i was using the money his mum left him to tryband at least keep a roof over our heads, that didn't happen. When we went into temp he found out the money was gone and rightly got angry with me, hebsat me down and we spoke and hebsaid he wasn't leaving me but we needed a fresh start. When we got our new place it was ok for a bit i was keeping on top of things and it was going good. Then it starting happening again, me digging my head in the sand and not asking for help and it has got us into so much trouble but he has stood by me and has tried to help undo all the damage my childhood caused but nothing works, i been to therapy so many times and i get better for a bit and then just slip back. Recently the arguments having gotten more heated on his side and his words are cutting sharper now, he days its to at least get some reaction from me and to make me say something.(I normally stand there and not say a word, because how can you argue when you know the other person is right) It has come to a head now and he has emotionally disconnected from me. I would like to add that loyalty has always been a big thing to us. And even in the darkest times none of us strayed or even thought about it. But the other day he  was locked out of youtube and asked me to get him back in (he's not to tech savvy and forgets passwords) i happily helped but could not remember the password myself so i reset it and went to his email to get the code, his email is full of different dating and chat site. Naturally i looked for his profile and found him under "still looking for soulmate" I know i deserve this for being a terrible partner and mother but it still crushed my soul as what i know about him this truly means any love he had for me is now gone forever. Im so stupid for not changing sooner and now ive lost the best thing i ever had.
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