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quietZebra775
416 M Embraced 3
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceNovember 21, 2019
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This Is Not Love
Relationship Stress / by quietZebra775
Last post
 April 23rd, 2020
...See more This is not love. I haven't ever found it, but I know it's not this. Love is respect, kindness, and true friendship. It is not based on convenience or mood swings. There should never be more days with tears than with smiles. There should not be constant questioning of the relationship; if it is love, you would know. There should not be midnight Google searches for signs you are not in love or breakup quizzes. There should be mutual respect; not double standards or put-downs or inequality. Most aspects of life should be agreed upon, not fought over. And fights should have a goal that is not winning or hurting. It is always wishing for one more minute, one more kiss, one more hug, not waiting to get it over with. I should not have my heart cracked a little more each day by you, and you should stop cracking it when I tell you that you are. What I want is not this. What I want is real love.
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All it takes is one little thing
Depression Support / by quietZebra775
Last post
 April 23rd, 2020
...See more Is anyone ever in a decent, even good, mood and all it takes is the smallest thing to just ruin the whole thing? Tonight I was good. Finished my book, then followed it with some yoga. Thought before I went to bed I'd call my boo just to say goodnight, since we hadn't talked today and I wanted to hear his voice and let him know I was thinking of him. It was a maybe a 2 minute phone call, where I tried to tell him about my day (which nowadays is a pretty quick summary anyway) and he cut me off saying he'd rather listen to his music while he was driving and not my voice. So I just said "okay, goodnight" and hung up. No goodnight or I love you from him or anything. I didn't get to ask if anything was bothering him that caused him to act that way, but it hurt my feelings regardless. Thus, draining the satisfaction from my evening...which is now me just blasting music to drown out my upsetness.
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Need my own space but can't afford it
Depression Support / by quietZebra775
Last post
 April 17th, 2020
...See more Hey 7 cups, I'm in my last year of university and I have been living with my grandparents throughout my 4 years. My parents had me pick this particular school so that I could stay with my grandparents and not pay to live in residence. I love them, but I have been ready to move out of this house for the last 2 years. My grandmother is the main problem. She smothers me to no end and never stops talking about the most random and irrelevant things. It drives me insane. I can never be left alone. For example, in the middle of an online class she came in a put a big tray of lunch on my desk and started to talk to me, even though I had given her a heads up and left a sign on my door asking to be left undisturbed. That same morning I opened the bathroom door after my shower and there she is waiting at the door for me with a huge breakfast while I'm standing there soaking wet wrapped in my towel. I get that she's doing it because she cares but honestly...I wish she would care less. I am not a child I am in my twenties. I get judged when I do most things that I enjoy, especially seeing my boyfriend of 3 years who they have hated since day 1. Sweatpants make me look fat. Ladies don't drink alcohol or stay out past curfew. Sleeping in is for lazy people. Eating the way I eat is going to make me fat but if I skip lunch then suddenly I'm an extreme anorexic. I can't win! During quarantine I started to do yoga every day since I find it super relaxing, as well as playing my guitar. But my grandmother will come and watch me and talk to me the whole time so it just ruins it. It sucks that our relationship is like this now but it is. During periods where I have not been there (ie. Back home with my parents) I don't mind having the occasional conversation with them, but 24/7 is just too much for me and I think it has greatly contributed to my mental health struggles. SO ANYWAY I've been trying to save up to move out but when you're a full time student, you don't make much money, and I have other bills to pay. My boyfriend and I planned to move out together for a long time but now he decided he wants to wait and save for a house instead of renting an apartment. Which is fine, but I sure as hell am not waiting here for another couple years. I have an opportunity now as a friend of mine is looking for a new housemate, but I worry that I still won't be able to afford everything and still be comfortable. My boyfriend doesn't want me to do it because he wants me to save for a house with him. And my parents are against it because I won't be able to go back home for as long (they live a 14 hour drive away). I want to do it because I need to get the hell out of here before I lose it and someone gets hurt, but I also agree with these opposing points. Plus with this mass pandemic and all, I'm literally stuck in the house with my grandmother...whose boredom gets turned into smothering me more, but there are also fewer hours at my job which hurts my chances of getting out...so everything is uncertain now. Its nice to vent, and if anyone actually reads this and has any advice I'd appreciate it. Hope you are safe and healthy.
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