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rainxxx19
3 193 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2025 Member sinceJune 12, 2025
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Hello everyone, I sincerely need some help and advice. The content might be a bit long. I would be very grateful if someone could read it .
Anxiety Support / by rainxxx19
Last post
 June 12th, 2025
...See more I myself am a hypochondriac and also have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I once had a boyfriend who knew I was afraid of AIDS. He was also an obsessive-compulsive disorder patient. Maybe because I told him I was afraid of AIDS, he took advantage of my weakness. During our relationship, he was very controlling and even threatened to cut his wrist if I broke up with him. He was always cursing. Later, to make me prove my love for him, he made me swear by AIDS. At that time, I really didn't see through his true colors and took the oath, saying that if I didn't love him, I would get AIDS. But when I took the oath, I really loved him. Later, I couldn't stand his control and stubbornness anymore and broke up with him. Before the breakup, he said that since I had sworn by AIDS, if I broke up with him, I would always live in fear of not knowing when I would get AIDS. He said that the thing that obsessive-compulsive disorder patients fear the most is the unknown. After he said that, I was really scared for half a year, not knowing when I would get AIDS. I was afraid that the needle during intravenous infusion wasn't changed, or that the condom would break during future sexual activities and I wouldn't know. I was also afraid that even if I knew the condom broke, the other person might be in the window period of AIDS and couldn't be detected, and I would get AIDS without taking the blocking drug. For half a year, I was always worried and couldn't sleep well. I really felt that if this continued, I would have a heart attack and die suddenly. I also tried to live in the moment, but as long as the problem in my heart wasn't completely solved, I would always think about it. I want to restore my normal thinking and get rid of this fear of "not knowing when I will get it". I also tried to compare this matter with others. I found that if it was a disease like cancer, I wouldn't be afraid because there was no need for prevention. But AIDS is a contagious disease, so I felt that only by staying vigilant could I avoid infection, and thus began to panic in my daily life.
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