I myself am a hypochondriac and also have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I once had a boyfriend who knew I was afraid of AIDS. He was also an obsessive-compulsive disorder patient. Maybe because I told him I was afraid of AIDS, he took advantage of my weakness. During our relationship, he was very controlling and even threatened to cut his wrist if I broke up with him. He was always cursing. Later, to make me prove my love for him, he made me swear by AIDS. At that time, I really didn't see through his true colors and took the oath, saying that if I didn't love him, I would get AIDS. But when I took the oath, I really loved him. Later, I couldn't stand his control and stubbornness anymore and broke up with him. Before the breakup, he said that since I had sworn by AIDS, if I broke up with him, I would always live in fear of not knowing when I would get AIDS. He said that the thing that obsessive-compulsive disorder patients fear the most is the unknown. After he said that, I was really scared for half a year, not knowing when I would get AIDS. I was afraid that the needle during intravenous infusion wasn't changed, or that the condom would break during future sexual activities and I wouldn't know. I was also afraid that even if I knew the condom broke, the other person might be in the window period of AIDS and couldn't be detected, and I would get AIDS without taking the blocking drug. For half a year, I was always worried and couldn't sleep well. I really felt that if this continued, I would have a heart attack and die suddenly. I also tried to live in the moment, but as long as the problem in my heart wasn't completely solved, I would always think about it. I want to restore my normal thinking and get rid of this fear of "not knowing when I will get it". I also tried to compare this matter with others. I found that if it was a disease like cancer, I wouldn't be afraid because there was no need for prevention. But AIDS is a contagious disease, so I felt that only by staying vigilant could I avoid infection, and thus began to panic in my daily life.
Hello everyone, I sincerely need some help and advice. The content might be a bit long. I would be very grateful if someone could read it .
@rainxxx19
That's awful! Your partner purposefully used your fears to manipulate you, and when they realized they couldn't stop you from leaving, they had to get one last punch in. What a pathetic human. :(
As for OCD, the biggest fear isn't the unknown.
Obsessions are fears.
For instance, your obsession is classified as contamination OCD. It's not necessarily about the physical aspect of a relationship or interaction. It's about being contaminated with a disease/bacteria.
Compulsions are the steps needed to be taken to arrive at a place of calm. Sometimes lasting hours. They can be fueled by intrusive thoughts which leads to doubting and checking, then the ritual repeats.
AIDS/HIV is a serious disease. It makes sense why you'd be worried about contracting it. Something to note is that treatment has come a long way since the 90s. Most people are able to receive the appropriate treatment and live a normal life. It's no longer a death sentence.
As for contamination OCD, you're fully aware that it's an irrational fear to have because it's impossible for a sterile needle, fresh from the package, to be contaminated. Someone would have to secrete sexual fluids or put blood carrying the virus onto the needle before it is inserted into your skin, which isn't something that happens. You'd stop them.
And when it comes to condoms, you can take medications stronger than PrEP to prevent the transmission of the disease, so even if the condom breaks, you're protected.
Having a therapist or counselor who specializes in OCD can help you find a sense of relief too. It's like having an extra layer of support.
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