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raspberryGrapefruit341
788 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceApril 21, 2024
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Boyfriend says horrible things to me when angry or drunk
Relationship Stress / by raspberryGrapefruit341
Last post
 April 21st, 2024
...See more I've been with my boyfriend (on and off) for almost four and a half years. Over the years, he has been a pretty heavy drinker most nights of the week, which a lot of the time has resulted in him angrily calling me (or in person) and saying mean things to me (such as I'm not physically attractive to him, I smell, that we need to break up, that I'm worth nothing, and to get my hoo-ha "fixed" when my pH is just a little off.) OR, on other occasions, getting horridly paranoid that I'm cheating on him, which has resulted in him retaliating by seeing or talking to other women while being together with me. When we're good, we're perfect. I can be silly and goofy with him, and he makes me laugh a ton. He's always flirting/complimenting me and showing me love in all of the love languages without me ever asking. All of that sounds great, but then a minor argument ensues, and/or he starts drinking, and then all the horrible insults come out, and actions he does (such as talking to other women) start happening, and NONE of that should ever be warranted. I know I don't deserve the things that have been said and done to me out of anger, frustration, and paranoia, but I keep thinking about when things are good and how we go from being lovey-dovey and talking about potential future baby names and feeling protected and safe with him to then feeling like I have zero self-confidence and have to walk on eggshells around him in hopes of not aggravating him again. The cycle is the same each time: we're great, he says/does something awful, things are tense between us, he apologizes for the things he said out of frustration or being drunk and swears he's done with that, and we're great again for a few weeks, and it all happens again. I know from an outside perspective it's easy to say just leave but it's not always that easy. I keep thinking about if i break up with him will i deeply regret it and want him back immediately? am i too sympathetic to his alcoholism/previous (unresolved) trauma? should i not give another insult another chance to happen again and leave? I have had numerous conversations with him about how the things he says to me are NOT okay and they keep happening. In a non-naive way, I do believe he loves me and I do believe if I ever did up and leave he would genuinely be extremely upset but if that the case WHY am i pretty frequently met with horrible insults being thrown at me and him doing things that are borderline cheating? I just want to hear people's thoughts and see other perspectives.
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