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raspberryrose25
4 134 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 24, 2025
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Is it normal to feel disconnected
Relationship Stress / by raspberryrose25
Last post
 September 25th, 2025
...See more I (28F) am a case manager for a social services agency, and my schedule includes rotating days off, and a mix of morning, night, and weekend shifts. Boyfriend of 4 months (29M) is a professional gigging musician, music teacher, and doctoral student. The past month or so has been more challenging. He started preparing for a qualifying exam in late August. Then, on Labor Day weekend, he was involved in a serious car accident (he’s okay). Ever since then, he’s been preoccupied with the exam and picking up the pieces from the accident (insurance, shopping for a new car, etc.) We had such an amazing groove before this period of time! The emotional and physical connections were blossoming! Since the exam prep and the accident, it’s all fizzled. First off, it’s hard to schedule time together with our work schedules. We don’t live together and moving in together isn’t a topic of discussion yet. We do live close to each other though. Close enough that we squeeze in little drive-by hangouts. Sometimes he’ll stop by to drop off a drink or a snack for me when we’re otherwise too busy to hang out. We used to have regular sleepovers, but that’s gone out the window over the past few weeks. And with no sleepovers, that means no physical intimacy. I’m starting to feel like maybe the attraction isn’t there anymore on his end? Second, I can sense his stress. He took an exam last week that could make or break his path to his degree. He was in an accident that left his car totaled, and that could have seriously injured him. He was lucky to walk away without any injuries. He works hard. He almost never takes a day off. I can tell it’s starting to break him. I’m worried about him. I feel like maybe his stress is affecting his ability to feel like being lovey-dovey. Does that mean that the relationship is over, or does it mean that I need to accept that his mind is going to be elsewhere temporarily? Third, I have stupid anxiety. I want this relationship to work. I love this guy. He knows it. This whole thing is activating my anxious/disorganized attachment wounds. I’m a very active person. I’m an artist, an avid reader, and I take pride in taking care of myself and my things. The anxiety and disorganized attachment activation is getting in the way of me being me and enjoying the things that I love outside of my relationship. It sounds stupid, I know. I’ve talked about this with him, and dear god I do not deserve a man who is so patient. He hears every word of my anxiety over losing this relationship and he just tells me that this is temporary and that the anxiety, frustration, and fear that I feel is valid and okay. I’m just in a negative spiral loop where I think negatively, express to him that I’m thinking these thoughts, hear that it’s okay, rinse, repeat. I worry that my assurance seeking will eventually push him away and sabotage the relationship. Mostly, I worry that I’m adding stress to his life that he doesn’t need. His life would be easier without having to fit me into his schedule and hear about my anxiety. As of right now, we are together. We’ve both acknowledged that there is this elephant in the room, and that the initial “honeymoon phase” has worn off. There is an awkwardness around initiating intimacy. Is the writing on the wall here for us to accept that there’s a mismatch in priorities and move on, or is there hope here to re-establish intimacy after an especially hard month?
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Is it normal to have periods of disconnect?
Relationship Stress / by raspberryrose25
Last post
 September 24th, 2025
...See more I (28F) am a case manager for a social services agency, and my schedule includes rotating days off, and a mix of morning, night, and weekend shifts. Boyfriend of 4 months (29M) is a professional gigging musician, music teacher, and doctoral student. The past month or so has been more challenging. He started preparing for a qualifying exam in late August. Then, on Labor Day weekend, he was involved in a serious car accident (he’s okay). Ever since then, he’s been preoccupied with the exam and picking up the pieces from the accident (insurance, shopping for a new car, etc.) We had such an amazing groove before this period of time! The emotional and physical connections were blossoming! Since the exam prep and the accident, it’s all fizzled. First off, it’s hard to schedule time together with our work schedules. We don’t live together and moving in together isn’t a topic of discussion yet. We do live close to each other though. Close enough that we squeeze in little drive-by hangouts. Sometimes he’ll stop by to drop off a drink or a snack for me when we’re otherwise too busy to hang out. We used to have regular sleepovers, but that’s gone out the window over the past few weeks. And with no sleepovers, that means no physical intimacy. I’m starting to feel like maybe the attraction isn’t there anymore on his end? Second, I can sense his stress. He took an exam last week that could make or break his path to his degree. He was in an accident that left his car totaled, and that could have seriously injured him. He was lucky to walk away without any injuries. He works hard. He almost never takes a day off. I can tell it’s starting to break him. I’m worried about him. I feel like maybe his stress is affecting his ability to feel like being lovey-dovey. Does that mean that the relationship is over, or does it mean that I need to accept that his mind is going to be elsewhere temporarily? Third, I have stupid anxiety. I want this relationship to work. I love this guy. He knows it. This whole thing is activating my anxious/disorganized attachment wounds. I’m a very active person. I’m an artist, an avid reader, and I take pride in taking care of myself and my things. The anxiety and disorganized attachment activation is getting in the way of me being me and enjoying the things that I love outside of my relationship. It sounds stupid, I know. I’ve talked about this with him, and dear god I do not deserve a man who is so patient. He hears every word of my anxiety over losing this relationship and he just tells me that this is temporary and that the anxiety, frustration, and fear that I feel is valid and okay. I’m just in a negative spiral loop where I think negatively, express to him that I’m thinking these thoughts, hear that it’s okay, rinse, repeat. I worry that my assurance seeking will eventually push him away and sabotage the relationship. Mostly, I worry that I’m adding stress to his life that he doesn’t need. His life would be easier without having to fit me into his schedule and hear about my anxiety. As of right now, we are together. We’ve both acknowledged that there is this elephant in the room, and that the initial “honeymoon phase” has worn off. We did have a “where is this going?” talk where we decided that we want to fight through this. There is an awkwardness around initiating intimacy. Is the writing on the wall here for us to accept that there’s a mismatch in priorities and move on, or is there hope here to re-establish intimacy after an especially hard month?
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