rastergraphics1989 Member Profile

Afraid of affection, sex, and afraid to be comfortable

Depression Support / by rastergraphics1989

February 21st, 2016

...See more Being so afraid of compassion is definitely not normal, right? It seems that whenever I have a period of time where I'm happy and begin to feel safe within my relationship I suddenly relapse. Affection and love from my partner begins to feel threatening. And I start to wonder if they are seeing someone else because I'm not used to having someone care so much about me. These feelings leads me to scour the Web for "signs of cheating" and I end up trembling and crying if anything on those lists even remotely resembles what they're doing. I've only known pain, deceit, and betrayal, so whenever she shows me any sort of affection, emotional or physical I begin to doubt and grow cold. Sex is triggering for me as well, because during those moments I'm left vulnerable and I start to feel as though maybe I'm not the only one, and that if I'm not surely there's someone better. I don't know what to do. These feelings came back last night. Her phone had been having issues and when we finally got to talk on the phone, she began telling me how much she misses me and how much I mean to her. Which lead me to remember what that list said, how random bursts of affection is a sure sign of infidelity. I hardly slept last night. I don't want to confront her because there is no evidence, only my own thoughts and "gut feelings". I'm just so terrified of getting hurt again, that when she was being affectionate I acted distant and cold. This isn't normal. But yet I feel like maybe a life of loneliness isn't so bad. At least I'd be trigger free.

Fear of Becoming Homeless Because of Lack of a Good Job/Money/Low-No Credit

Trauma Support / by rastergraphics1989

January 26th, 2016

...See more Hello everyone, Not sure if this goes in this forum catergory... I've been freaking out about this for a month now. Basically where I live is a property, where me and my family reside that is owned by this elderly man. There has been talk about the entire property being sold upon his passing, which means that my dad would lose his job with the company as well as the house where we live. His job is what is letting him live here with me and my mom and brothers. It never really occurred to me how sudden a change could occur where we could be living out of a car or something. Both me and my dad work, but I get paid very little and neither him nor me have any good credit. I started thinking and analyzing a situation about us getting a place if the landlord were to pass unexpectedly, the man is in his mid 90s now. But everything I have been reading online talks about how people have to have good credit. Right now I am paying back a student loan of $10K, my credit score is nowhere near perfect as I have made mistakes in the past. I'm afraid of losing my job as well if we have nowhere to go, because I won't be able to shower or get clean clothes or have an address, etc. I've researched resources in the area, but each of them seem to want someone to be in extreme situations to provide any sort of assistance. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I've considered saving money, but it's hard.

Afraid of Intimacy and Triggered by Sex

Relationship Stress / by rastergraphics1989

August 11th, 2021

I can't seem to trust anymore, triggers, depression, insomnia

Depression Support / by rastergraphics1989

November 28th, 2015

...See more Hello everyone. I didn't know where to go for this so I hope I am in the right forum. Last year I received a huge blow to my heart, a girl I had been seeing for 7 years ended up getting pregnant by someone she'd been seeing on the side. It completely devastated me. And I spent a bit of a month wondering what I did wrong for her to just move on from me. A few months later I decided to try an online dating site and met a girl who was very much like me. She was kind and sweet and understanding. But upon talking about deeper subjects she revealed that she had slept with a majority of men from both work and on the site. For some reason I felt like cutting communication, since my prior relationship showed me that promiscuity lead to cheating. But I swallowed my feelings and gave it a shot. I thought it would go away and I'd be happy, but I've been able to spot certain signs from her that makes me think she's tired of me or seeing someone else (like my ex was) and I'm not sure if it's just my paranoia or real "gut feelings". I'm starting to lose faith in her even though she hasn't shown any red flags, besides some times where she's "too tired" to Skype and I think that I'm just looking for signs. I'm not sure what to do. I love her but at the same time I'm really scared of getting hurt. I've always had abandonment issues, since I've always been lonely most of my life. And people who say "I'm here for you" end up leaving. I'm getting to the point where her words sound empty and I never really hear reassuring words from her. What should I do? I could try and talk to her but what if she's just lying through her teeth? I feel as though her presence alone triggers me causing me to lose sleep. How can she be toxic if she hasn't done anything wrong? Am I Just crazy?

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