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rexiahmed
491 M Embraced 4
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceDecember 27, 2020
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Please help me :( I’m not sure if I was assaulted
Trauma Support / by rexiahmed
Last post
 March 3rd, 2021
...See more Just under a year ago, this time last year, me and my boyfriend were out spending time together. He took me into a dark alley where we started kissing for the first time. I felt uncomfortable so I said “stop”, however he pulled me in closer and kissed me again, holding me at my hips. Eventually I broke free from him and walked with him, acting like nothing happened. However, on our way to the bus stop, there was another dark alleyway. He pulled me in and said we should do things. I felt uncomfortable, however thought maybe I felt that way because these things were new to me. He started to touch me, however it was painful so I told him to stop because i became increasingly uncomfortable. When I said “can you stop?” he said “no I promise it’ll feel better in a bit” I tried pushing him/nudging him away from me, but that didn’t work. I knew it felt wrong that he didn’t stop but I ignored it thinking I was his girlfriend and I shouldn’t disappoint him. He would always be manipulating me into talking in a sexual way over text or showing him things over camera. Generally threatening suicide which is a sensitive topic to me and he knew this, taking advantage. For a long time I doubted that anything was wrong until I read a post on Instagram stating what sexual assault was. I panicked, did more research and was horrified that I’d actually buried the truth for 8 months because I didn’t want to face it. I only realised 4 months ago that this was assault however I’m really happy with my current boyfriend who is extremely supportive of me and is always there when I’m in need of him but I just feel that I can be a problem or burden on him with what I’m going through. Sometimes I feel that he deserves someone else without so much baggage. I’m still hesitant to call this sexual assault and feel like I may be reading into things too much and that I’m being dramatic. I can’t stop blaming myself or make my brain understand that my current boyfriend is not my ex and will never be. I feel that it’s not fair on him, he’s the complete opposite. Kind, compassionate, supportive, extremely extremely respective and most of all mature and responsible. Pls help me :(
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