sabbotage Member Profile

...See more Hey there I'm new to this community -- not sure it's quite right for me but in a pinch its worth a shot! So I'm going through quite an interesting experience with love outside of my marriage... The skinny on who I am: I'm 30. Woman. Non romantic / realist maybe even an idealist, definitely an optimist / early career, striving for my independence. Husband: 7 years older than I, mid-career, steady, people use words like "eccentric" and "brilliant" to describe him. We met when I was 24-- he pursued me vigorously. Marriage: will be five years coming up--- we married quick! i went through lots of anxiety and panic early on, i think ive never been ready to marry. Since then tons of up and downs (mostly downs if you ask me). our marriage has been some hard ass work -- tons of traveling, work stress, lots of therapy, hes got a lot of baggage around his relationship with money among other things... i consider him to be on the spectrum. our sex life is non existant and has never been particularly thrilling or full. He doesnt know how to communicate, life is business for him, joy is lost to the mundane. Nevertheless it is a strong "partnership" in every sense of the word. --> I dont write this background to create bias, i think my marriage is an entirely different issue altogether. But it's maybe worth understanding. Now for the thing. I traveled to Bangladesh for ten days for work. I met someone. We spent maybe 10 hours together. 6 of them alone. It was intimate, but we never touched. We absolutely fell into one another. Since then, We've chatted almost every day, writing letters, video chatting, sharing music, photos of our lives. His cat, my dog, his parents home in Paris, my fruit trees in California.... I am questioning everything I've ever known about love. Love at first sight is not something any sane person just believes in. This experience is turning me absolutely upside-down. I feel insane! I'm not sure what to do about it or even how to express it. Even if we (both) were available to be together, we live a world apart. He is home for the holidays, I am alone to think (for complicated reasons, i was traveling, sick, husband went home to see his fam). While he is home for a few days, he suggested we take a break from chatting, because everything between us is happening so fast, he is afraid it will break. It's a great idea of course, he is right. Its too fast, this is crazy, how can we be in love!? My husband feels something in me, he senses I need space. I suppose without continuing on describing my misery of head and heart -- i am asking this of you, community, WHAT IS LOVE?

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