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sadcupcake30
311 M Embraced 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceSeptember 11, 2019
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Is it really me
Relationship Stress / by sadcupcake30
Last post
 June 17th, 2021
...See more Sometimes I wish I had someone looking in on our lives to toss flags and point out where we’re going wrong, even if it really is me... my fiancé and I argue almost daily anymore. Could be about anything really. Example tonight, he wanted to book us a cabin for our wedding night. This question was tossed around months ago, but he didn’t feel we needed one so I dropped the idea. So today he brings it up and I say “sure! Let’s sit and look together!” Excited to see his change of mind. When he showed me his first and only choice, I asked about amenities and to see the pictures. Somehow it turned into I was controlling the situation, could never let him do something nice because it had to be “my way or else”. He started raising his voice and clicking a pen and I asked him calmly to stop the clicking because it was kind of distracting and I was trying to give him my full attention. He tossed the pen and said he wasn’t doing fng anything wrong but had to “fng obey me or else”. I said that I was trying to be respectful and talk calmly with him and he accused me of calling him names and raising my voice at him and he was simply matching his tone. That wasn’t what was happening and I called him no names or swore. I called a timeout with our safe word and went on a drive. I came back, and he had begun pounding a 6 pack (finishing it in less than 3 hours). So now I’m laying in bed and he’s in the garage with his beers, texting me paragraph upon paragraph of how I am selfish, how he’s given up everything to be with me, that he’s never been able to live his life because it’s 100% my way or nothing. I didn’t respond. I stifled a panic attack. I got in my car and drove around town. Meanwhile he’s bombarding me with more messages and saying we’re done. In the past he’s told me that “you make me want to klll myself”. He’s broken furniture, flipped tables, punched doors...2 weeks ago he punched a light fixture and cut his hand (he probably should have had stitches). I see a therapist and a psychologist, have been recently diagnosed with adhd at age 32, and am at a loss...I feel like the things he says are happening are fabricated in his mind and he truly believes I am vindictive, selfish, spiteful and uncaring (his exact words, not mine). My counselors know of the dynamic and say he’s narcissistic and abusive. How can I show him what he’s doing is harmful? How do you tell someone they need help with their anger when they think YOU are the problem and blame you for their outbursts...I’m at a loss...I’m depressed, have little self worth, a racing mind, and am starting to believe I really am this monster he says I am.
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