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sadlaugh
2,741 M Hopeful Heart 6
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 4, 2016
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I feel nothing, but anger.
Relationship Stress / by sadlaugh
Last post
 February 20th, 2018
...See more Long story short. Its been a few months months back, last summer I met guy who broke my heart and whole thing has led me to depression, It is almost exactly 6 months since we met online and had a date in rl. Guy changed his mind after first date, said he can't commit, kept telling me he wants to still meet me and all .. I liked him, I did not want to lost him, I've never said anything bad to him. We stayed friends, which was a bad idea, cause I still liked him. everything faded out, he stopped talking to me and said he feels empty and that everything has been said, but contacted me when he wanted to talk about his odd issues like hating whole world or wanting to die, but never asked me how iam doing even tho I had so bad anxiety and depressions. After a long time I could identify his emotionally unavailable person, but until today I feel nothing but anger, that makes me stuck in position I don't seem to move on. It's like I do not like him anymore, but it's more like I feel so much anger. I had to delete him from all social media ( he is stalking my instagram stories though) to make move and let him leave my mind. But I found many times being sad that i can't forgive him what he has done to me, how did he use me ,how much I want to call him or write him a letter ( which Ive done, but never sent of course) and tell him everything, how miserable I felt...many times I look at myself to the mirror like " oh yeah he left you because you are fat? maybe because you are not good enough.. or what?" I'm not malicious person but I have sort of those negative thoughs when I wish someone would dealed with him in the same way, so he could know how does this feel. Now relationships are not for me, I feel nothing like genuinely no interest in anyone, I can't help it. I can't trust to anyone as well. I'm on dating apps, but can't seem to find the out of this hell in my head. I just can't seem to be okay with this still even tho its a long time, can you tell me if you have some experience and what helped you ?
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Vicious circle.
Depression Support / by sadlaugh
Last post
 October 1st, 2017
...See more Hello, I have a question about my mental state, that gives me not much chances right now and I'm not even sure how to continue. Everything started like 2 months ago, I started to feel emotionally numb for no reason and met someone I fell in love with , relationship did not work from his side. He used to give me a lot energy, but in the end it went downhill. I guess this was a trigger, something like that, because since this happened I have contant feeling that everything in my life is pointless. In the last three weeks I have intensive feeling, that activities I used to love does not make me interested anymore. I'm self employed and graduating from uni next summer. I'm dependent on myself. I have a problem to concentrate on most of things as it might be book reading, listening to a friend else family member speaking or doing household activity. Everything feels pointless, uninteresting and exhausting to me. I can't find joy in anything, I do not rather think of future. I'm constantly tired and would sleep all day if it was possible. I have endless fear, that my self control and responsibility is over. I'm used that everything works in my life and that I can do it. In the last weeks I also try to isolate myself from people / human contact as I'm afraid of letting negativity go out of me between innocent people, so I consider it is best to be alone with my dark thoughs. My family does not know I'm dealing with this, it is something I'm ashamed of as they picture me as person that is able to get everything done and well. I have never had any treatment before, because I always somehow felt like I can do this by myself. But now I'm not sure anymore. I do not even know if this is depression or not. Not sure if I need psychologist, psychiatrist or who... I do not know where to go or what to do. Can you give me advice? :( Thank you.
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