I feel nothing, but anger.

Long story short. Its been a few months months back, last summer I met guy who broke my heart and whole thing has led me to depression, It is almost exactly 6 months since we met online and had a date in rl. Guy changed his mind after first date, said he can't commit, kept telling me he wants to still meet me and all .. I liked him, I did not want to lost him, I've never said anything bad to him. We stayed friends, which was a bad idea, cause I still liked him. everything faded out, he stopped talking to me and said he feels empty and that everything has been said, but contacted me when he wanted to talk about his odd issues like hating whole world or wanting to die, but never asked me how iam doing even tho I had so bad anxiety and depressions. After a long time I could identify his emotionally unavailable person, but until today I feel nothing but anger, that makes me stuck in position I don't seem to move on.

It's like I do not like him anymore, but it's more like I feel so much anger. I had to delete him from all social media ( he is stalking my instagram stories though) to make move and let him leave my mind. But I found many times being sad that i can't forgive him what he has done to me, how did he use me ,how much I want to call him or write him a letter ( which Ive done, but never sent of course) and tell him everything, how miserable I felt...many times I look at myself to the mirror like " oh yeah he left you because you are fat? maybe because you are not good enough.. or what?" I'm not malicious person but I have sort of those negative thoughs when I wish someone would dealed with him in the same way, so he could know how does this feel.

Now relationships are not for me, I feel nothing like genuinely no interest in anyone, I can't help it. I can't trust to anyone as well. I'm on dating apps, but can't seem to find the out of this hell in my head.

I just can't seem to be okay with this still even tho its a long time, can you tell me if you have some experience and what helped you ?