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sassygrrl32
272 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 3, 2019
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Possible Controlling Boyfriend
Relationship Stress / by sassygrrl32
Last post
 September 6th, 2019
...See more My BF and I have been living together for 7 months. We didn't know each other too long before moving in. We're both divorced, no kids. I'm 50, he's 61. Recently, I've noticed traits and behaviours that indicate he could be controlling. My ex husband and I work together which he doesn't have a problem with and is friends with my ex but my ex wants nothing to do with him now due to his behaviour. If i try to discuss something that bothers me my BF will only listen for a few minutes then dismisses it or stops listening. If I push it he says he doesn't argue and if I don't drop it it results in a terrible argument which is my fault. He doesn't want me showing any emotion at all and if I do I'm told to go outside and vent to a tree. This results in venting to my friends and family. One of his issues is going to venues where my friends and ex will be. I love to dance(he does too) and many times my friends are at the same places we're at. My BF says we need to be going places where my friends aren't at. Well, that pretty much means giving up on dancing and not seeing my friends. We're all so busy we don't get to see each other much. I understand maybe he doesn't want my ex there but my BF expects me to tell my ex not to come to public venues or not to be friendly. Makes no sense to me. BUT he says he has no problem with us working together. To make matters worse, his family is very meddlesome. Found that out July 4th. Labor day was another debacle. My BF told me 1 of his brothers hits on his GF's even though he's married. Havent met him yet. Most of his family lives in New York, us in NC. Honestly, I don't want to meet people like this. I don't need the drama. My BF told my ex on labor day(when our terrible fight occurred) that he was having problems with work and family. I don't feel like being his emotional punching bag when issues outside of my control arise. We went to a festival, my BF wanted to get food and I wanted to seat our chairs. He got angry about this, my ex being there and that I wanted to dance. He said I was supposed to follow him and do what he wanted. I'm going to be on the road for the next 4 weeks or so but when I go back I'm ready to make my exit if he can't change. Right now, I don't have the money for another place to live(alot of financial balls in the air) and no one I can live with. So for now i'm stuck. My BF also aired his grievances about me to one of my friends and continued to argue when another friend approached me. Needless to say, they're backing off. It's easy to tell someone to kick their BF to the curb and go live in the woods when they're not actually doing it. I don't mind living/sleeping in my car for a month or 2 or even a few but I'd like to have a plan before I leave. Am I wrong? Is this controlling behaviour? What changes could I make to better the relationship/situation? Without giivng up my identity and being completely submissive to him because he's the man. Advice?
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