selfconfidentEast8719 Member Profile

...See more So my boyfriend of almost 3 years recently looked at porn on Christmas Eve. He has had problems before he looked at porn in the beginning of our relationship and i was unaware but i was not upset just because it wasnt even like serious at the time. We talked and have been talking a lot and I just need advice and help its really taking a toll on my daily life and I dont know how to fix this. So my boyfriend was never in a serious relatinship before, his parents had a rough relationship and he was overall not really taught and understood the basic common things in a relationship. We've gone a loong way as we've taught each other. Mid september I felt like he wasnt showing me enough love and loving me like he used to, the effort and cling wasnt there. I kept telling him trying to find why i was feeling this way, i couldnt it was just simple that he just wasnt showing it to me. I had been feeling depressed and not free whilst talking to him basically because i couldnt go a few minutes without him because this change was so sudden i wanted him back and i was trying so hard. He just started working a lot more hours which i understand but it hurt and he didnt understand and i felt like he wasnt listening or trying to help. I kept getting angry and then finally we went on a trip together but it stuill felt like he wasn't so it was confusing. We came back from our trip and it was christmas eve and i had this terrible gut feeling he did something so i logged into his phone and saw that he looked at porn. he told me that he did it out of purpose for curiousity and wanted to see what it was like from the guys pov or the girls im not entirely sure. he said he wasnt turned on by it or anything and it was just for curiosuty purposes. but i was just so hurt cause he didnt tell me he didnt even mention it and i asked him if he wouldve told me if i didnt find out and he said he didnt know. It was terrible to find out and here about this. he keeps saying sorry and hes very apologetic and doing what i asked him and was sorryhe didnt realize what he was doing but also it sucks because i feel like hes stull doing the same as he was before, his texts are dry, and hes just so dull now it makes me feel really sad. Maybe its because im still stuck on this change and i need a distraction while his distraction is work. I just need help because its taking up a lot of my life just being so fixated on this and i just need help, i need to be back to what i used to be when i was focused on myself and cared about myself. Im slowly losing myself and i just need to learn how to trust and i want to know anyone elses pov. thank you everyone :)

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