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selfdisciplinedSpruce9341
162 M Embraced 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2018 Member sinceJuly 29, 2018
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How do I control my emotions
Anxiety Support / by selfdisciplinedSpruce9341
Last post
 July 31st, 2018
...See more From the outside I have a great life, but all I feel is guilt because I don't think I appreciate it the way I should. I have been suffering with anxiety and depression since I was 16. I'm now 28. I bought my own house, I have my own car, I have just been offered a new job and I have a great boyfriend. The source of my anxiety varies. Right now it's because of the new job. Ive accepted an offer, it's a transfer to another office but within the same group of companies. I worry about what will happen if I'm not capable of the job, if I can't be myself in the office, if I embarrass myself, that I embarrass my current colleagues as they were the ones who trained me, basically it stems from the fact I don't feel good enough, which is a pattern in my life. Absent father, immature mother, abusive stepfather, unstability. Ive worked so hard in the past ten years to ground myself and work through the issues, and now I'm unravelling. Losing sleep at night, napping for hours before bed, crying at the drop of a hat, withdrawing from my supportive relationship, dreading work, avoiding conversations, comfort eating, skipping the gym. I just want to die. I hate myself and I hate the guilt I feel for appearing ungrateful. Ive been on medication for the past 12 years, and it hasn't changed in at least 4. I'm not coping. I'm meditating and that stops me panicking but it doesn't stop the worry. I hate the feeling and I hate me.
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