How do I control my emotions
From the outside I have a great life, but all I feel is guilt because I don't think I appreciate it the way I should.
I have been suffering with anxiety and depression since I was 16. I'm now 28. I bought my own house, I have my own car, I have just been offered a new job and I have a great boyfriend.
The source of my anxiety varies. Right now it's because of the new job. Ive accepted an offer, it's a transfer to another office but within the same group of companies. I worry about what will happen if I'm not capable of the job, if I can't be myself in the office, if I embarrass myself, that I embarrass my current colleagues as they were the ones who trained me, basically it stems from the fact I don't feel good enough, which is a pattern in my life. Absent father, immature mother, abusive stepfather, unstability. Ive worked so hard in the past ten years to ground myself and work through the issues, and now I'm unravelling. Losing sleep at night, napping for hours before bed, crying at the drop of a hat, withdrawing from my supportive relationship, dreading work, avoiding conversations, comfort eating, skipping the gym. I just want to die. I hate myself and I hate the guilt I feel for appearing ungrateful.
Ive been on medication for the past 12 years, and it hasn't changed in at least 4. I'm not coping. I'm meditating and that stops me panicking but it doesn't stop the worry. I hate the feeling and I hate me.
The things you describe are exactly what therapy is for. A competent therapist should be able to change things completely for you, and you won't need medication any more.
@selfdisciplinedSpruce9341
@RarelyCharlie I've had therapy, I did it for about 3 years. I get OK for a little while, then a minor thing changes in my life and I end up back here.
@selfdisciplinedSpruce9341 have you had any luck with coping skills?
@JamieSclafaniLMSW meditation stops the panic Attacks but doesn't stop the anxiousness
@selfdisciplinedSpruce9341 you could try some mindfulness : 5 things you see 4 things you hear 3 things you feel 2 things you smell and 1 thing you taste
That's why I wrote "competent therapist" 
Not all therapists are able to treat serious conditions, and when you write that you want to die and you hate yourself, those seem like indications that your condition is very serious.
One way to find a competent therapist is to look for one who is certified by the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, because they will have had their clinical competence formally assessed.
Some other certifications that therapists can obtain do not include a formal assessment of clinical competence, and they are not so useful for someone like you who needs to recover.
@selfdisciplinedSpruce9341
