shadowmere14 Member Profile

...See more I'll make sure this isn't too graphic, but I'll put a trigger warning as a precaution. *sighs* I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse by my father. I can't remember how young I was when it started, but I was either in kindergarten or first grade when it started happening. It would happen on the weekends when my step mom was gone at work. My dad used to be a truck driver and he would take me with him. He would do things to me. I won't go into too much detail because I don't want to trigger those who read this. After my dad stopped being a truck driver, he continued doing those things to me. I finally reached out to my friends and teachers in middle school. I can't remember what grade that was. The police came and talked to me and my friends. I left school that day and came home to the police talking to my dad and step mom. I was told to go to my room. The police then talked to me in my room. After the police left, my dad and step mom were very angry at me and grounded me. Later that night, my dad told me no one would believe me and that it would be our little secret. The abuse continued to happen. I would tell him no and told him to stop it like he told me to do, but he never stopped. He even tried doing things to me when I was on my period. That was the only thing that would stop him. I never got to enjoy a normal childhood. I feared the weekends. I was grounded from being in my room for extended amounts of time. So I feared my room because the abuse would happen in my room. My room was the only place I felt safe when growing up, but the abuse made me fearful of being safe. I now have insecurites about being believed and trusted. I feel like I constanty have to be on guard from my feelings. I don't actively think about my thoughts or feelings unless something really bugs me. The PTSD causes me to have anger outbursts and I get violent and physical. I've done things that I regret. I've hurt my fiancee and her sister. Living with this past hurts and I can't deal with how it is affecting me and the people cloest to me.

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