shootingstar651 Member Profile

...See more I have been working out consistently for the past 6-8 months and have recently began a cut (eating in a calorie deficit, high protein, yadayada) ive had a history of disordered eating throughout my entire life, but nothing as severe. But I’ve been experiencing a lot of guilt and discomfort whenever I eat above my calorie deficit. I’ve been tracking my calories on an app and it has been making me feel really mixed emotions. on one hand, I am eating okay. I eat pretty healthy meals and just been overall more conscious of what I’ve been putting in my body— which is good in some ways as I have used food as a comfort for alot of traumatic experiences. but what’s been making me feel so crazy is just the calorie counting, feeling so meticulous about my calorie count and having to measure every.single.***.thing I put in my mouth, and just my body dysmorphia has made me feel I can’t look in the mirror anymore. my boyfriend is an avid fitness person and he’s super in shape. A lot of the times I’ve experienced a lot of confidence issues. He’s been really supportive of me and has been understanding of my issues, but I still feel that he would want someone skinnier, prettier, than me even though I’ve actively reminded myself over and over that he’s with me for a reason. I feel so bad that my insecurities has impacted our relationship. Im just really tired and restless at the same time— I’m aware of my feelings yet I feel powerless on what to do because it’s just a working process. I feel really lonely because i feel almost shameful that I feel this way. This is my first time talking about and admitting about my disordered eating to someone and I just feel very lost.

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