sllii2 Member Profile

...See more I am so disgusted with myself, how I’ve treated my body and who I’ve let touch it. All I’ve ever wanted is a genuine connection and relationship. I’ve been used in the past for my body just to maybe feel loved just for a moment, and I don’t even fight it. Sometimes I tell myself I’m okay with it, but afterward I just feel empty and disgusting. At school I’m stapled as some kind of ***, i am not proud of the things I’ve done to myself. I don’t know why I let it happen. maybe it’s because I don’t have any real self-respect, or because part of me thinks it’s the only way to feel wanted, even for a moment. I keep sabotaging any good relationships in my life. I can’t feel loved in any relationship without being over-sexualized. I hurt people I care about, make choices I regret, and push away anyone who gets too close. And the worst part is, I know I’m doing it while it’s happening. I don’t feel like I protect myself at all. I don’t even know who I am sometimes. it’s like I’m watching myself from the outside. I don’t know if this is trauma, mental illness or if I’m just a 17 year old girl making bad decisions. but I don’t want to keep living like this. If anyone understands this feeling or has gotten through something similar or just has advice for me in general, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.

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