sociablePineapple5688 Member Profile

...See more I’m hoping for some guidance and support as I go through something I’m finding really hard to process. About 3 months ago, my first serious relationship ended. We were together for around 8 months. It may not sound long, but he was my first love and the emotions I felt were very intense. He had all the qualities I had dreamed of — intelligent, talented, confident, and extremely ambitious. There was strong chemistry between us, and I truly loved him. But he was also emotionally unavailable, distant, and often cold. Over time, he became controlling and critical — he told me to lose weight so I’d “look better” to show off around his friends, commented that my coat (which was just a practical winter coat) wasn’t appropriate for me, and kept implying I wasn’t doing enough productive stuff in life — even though I currently work and study full time and support myself independently. At first it seemed like it was just an advice, but then it became aggressive. I kept trying to explain what is making me feel unsafe. That his comments are not helpful at all. He gave just enough to keep me around. But I was often in tears, constantly chasing an unrealistic version of myself that he seemed to want. Eventually, he grew colder and ended things. He said some very hurtful things and suggested a situationship — knowing I would never accept that. It felt like the final blow. I’ve done a lot to take care of myself — but I still cry remembering the love I felt. I miss the fun memories- I never had that much romance and connection with anyone. Sometimes I wish he’d come back, even though I know he wasn’t good for me. He was not kind to me so I will not write him back anymore. I’m haunted by the idea that someone else might get the love I craved from him, the love he never gave me. I feel embarrassed for failing this love. And I’m scared that I won’t love like that again, scared I’ll be stuck in this loop forever. I’d really appreciate any advice — from people who’ve gone through something similar.

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