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softFriend28
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Number of ratings48 Number of reviews19 Listens toOver 18 LanguagesEnglish Listener sinceFeb 20, 2015 Last activeover 6 months ago GenderFemale PathStep 966 People helped142 Chats928 Group support chats26 Listener group chats15 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes42
Bio

Hello there, I am Miranda and I am so glad that you are here... I just wanted to let you know I will be taking a break from 7Cups for a bit, It won't be a forever type of thing, I just need to put some things together in my personal life.
I am probably most helpful when it comes to rape/ sexual assault/ street harassment, eating disorders, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and toxic relationships, but I am here for all regardless of your circumstance. I can be that person who will listen and give you the confidence that you need to succeed your personal goals, escape bad decisions or simply tell secrets that are eating you from the inside out. I would be happy to help you out, and I promise that all of what you tell me will remain in confidence and I will comfort you, without judgement, as I truly believe that you all deserve to be truly heard and respected. Please feel free to message even if I am offline and I will respond as soon as I possibly can.
*** I may find some conversations triggering if I mention that I am feeling triggered I sincerely apologise, I am not as able to assist when it comes to you expressing feelings of lust or sexual frustration when that sexual frustration is directed at me especially or if you express that these sexual feelings are not reciprocated with the person you are interested in***
If I am offline and you need urgent help contact the following hotlines:
Suicide: http://www.suicide.org/index.html
http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines
Things you can do to save yourself from suicidal thoughts:
1. Seek professional treatment, consult a doctor or mental health provider.
2. Find help from a support group, crisis centre, faith community, teacher or other trusted person.
3. Talk about the way you are feeling, I can help with that department!
4. Ask yourself questions like: "What's causing me to feel so bad?" "What would make me feel better?" or "How can I help myself feel better?"
5. Try to remember that nothing is permanent in life: Things may be bad now but things will also get better. These feelings are temporary, and with appropriate treatment, you will feel better.
6. Distract yourself from acting when you are in this state of mind, Go outside for some fresh air, listen to music loudly (preferably something that makes you feel happy, do something that makes you feel happy, if you cant think of what to do; listen to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diQaJMseFXQ, and connect with me, a crisis support number, or suicide contact number instead or follow this link to see some mental fitness exercises for relaxation http://au.reachout.com/wellbeing/mental-fitness
7. Avoid drugs and alcohol, although these things may make give you short term relief, ultimately it will make you feel worse in the long run or could develop into an addiction. If you think that you may have an addiction, feel free to follow this link which will direct you to an addiction therapist geographically close to you, http://therapists.psychologytoday.com (this is only useful if you are located in USA), http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/treatment/international_treatment_locators (this has worldwide services)
8. Remove potentially dangerous items from your home, if possible. Make sure you try your best to remove items around the house such as knives, razors, guns or drugs that could be used to commit suicide. If you take medication that could be used for overdose, I encourage you to find a trusted person to safeguard it and give it to you as prescribed. You don't want to sabotage your own recovery.
If you want to help a suicidal friend and don't know how:
1. Encourage the person to seek treatment. Someone who is suicidal or has severe depression may not have the energy or motivation to find help. If your friend or loved one doesn't want to consult a doctor or mental health provider, suggest finding help from a support group, crisis centre, faith community, teacher or other trusted person. You can help by offering support and advice — but remember that it's not your job to become a substitute for a mental health provider.
2. Offer to help the person take steps to get assistance and support. For example, you can research treatment options, make phone calls, or even offer to go with the person to an appointment.
3. Encourage the person to communicate with you. Someone who's suicidal may be tempted to bottle up feelings because he or she feels ashamed, guilty or embarrassed. Be supportive and understanding, and express your opinions without placing blame. Listen attentively and avoid interrupting.
4. Be respectful and acknowledge the person's feelings. Don't try to talk the person out of his or her feelings or express shock. Remember, even though someone who's suicidal isn't thinking logically, the emotions are real. Not respecting how the person feels can shut down communication.
5. Don't be patronizing or judgemental. For example, don't tell someone, "things could be worse" or "you have everything to live for." Instead, ask questions such as, "What's causing you to feel so bad?" "What would make you feel better?" or "How can I help?"
Never promise to keep someone's suicidal feelings a secret. Be understanding, but explain that you may not be able to keep such a promise if you think the person's life is in danger. At that point, you have to get help.
6. Offer reassurance that things will get better. When someone is suicidal, it seems as if nothing will make things better. Reassure the person that these feelings are temporary, and that with appropriate treatment, he or she will feel better about life again.
7. Encourage the person to avoid alcohol and drug use. Using drugs or alcohol may seem to ease the painful feelings, but ultimately it makes things worse — it can lead to reckless behaviour or feeling more depressed. If the person can't quit on his or her own, offer to help find treatment.
8. Remove potentially dangerous items from the person's home, if possible. If you can, make sure the person doesn't have items around that could be used to commit suicide — such as knives, razors, guns or drugs. If the person takes a medication that could be used for overdose, encourage him or her to have someone safeguard it and give it as prescribed.

Recent forum posts
Here's what you need to know and remember as a victim of sexual assault with a court trial coming up!
Trauma Support / by softFriend28
Last post
 April 25th, 2016
...See more           Myths & Truths about Rape  With a court trial coming up heres what you need to know and remember as a victim of sexual assault                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           What is a myth? A myth is a false idea that many people believe to be true. In many societies all over the world, people have believed and still believe in myths about what rape is and what causes it. Many countries world-wide have now shifted the legal definition of rape from upholding rape myths (false ideas) to what rape really is. Sadly though, many men and women still hold onto harmful myths about rape. Why are rape myths so harmful? Myths lead people to blame women (or men). We think that she/he was ‘asking to be raped’. Instead of holding the rapist responsible for the rape, we blame the victim. In court, defense lawyers can also use myths to attempt to undermine the testimony of the survivor. This can prevent justice from being done because the effect of these myths is to make people doubt what the victim says. If you remember this, then the defense lawyers words won't harm you as much, it is their job to defend their client, they owe an obligation to serve their client- not you. You need to get your own support network with you to strengthen you. Those myths cause people to think that  ‘she/he was not really raped’. This can mean that the victim does not get the support she needs from people around her/him. It can also make officials in the criminal justice system doubt her/his testimony, preventing justice from being done. Myths make rape survivors feel too ashamed or too guilty to report the rape or to share it with friends and family. The survivor ends up isolated and does not get the support he or she needs to help him/her recover from the trauma of the rape. Studies estimate that only one in nine survivors report rape. This means that most rapists walk freely among us, unpunished and ready to re-offend. Myths hide the fact that a rapist can come from any race, social class or environment. It makes us feel more distrustful or afraid of certain people based on stereotypes and prejudice, not based on the facts of the situation. It makes us believe that we can tell what makes someone a rapist when this is not the case. Myths make us believe that we can prevent rape from happening to us. This stops us from addressing the real sources of the problem, for example people’s attitudes to violence and to relationships between men and women, also known as gender relations. Myths take away the dignity and humanity of the survivor, causing her more trauma and pain and lowering her chances of recovery. Myths also prevent many rapists from being prosecuted. It is vital that all of us in society reject these myths, so that survivors may fully recover and more rapists be convicted. Note: Many of these myths and facts refer to rape between a man and a woman and the ideas that people have about this. It is important to realize that rape can happen between same sex partners as well and that thinking that rape can only happen between a man and a woman is also a myth. In certain rare instances women have been known to rape men. It is important to remember that each rape is unique even as we generalize about it. Those stereotypes are just a way for people to feel more comfortable in their own bubbles, and distance themselves from the truth that ANYONE can get raped regardless of how they look, dress, their social status, their sexual orientation, and how they behave and react to the circumstance of being raped - NO NOT EVERYONE FIGHTS BACK AND IN MANY CIRCUMSTANCES IT IS SAFER TO NOT FIGHT BACK.    MYTH: A woman who gets drunk is inviting rape. The truth is that both men and women sometimes get drunk – it is not a crime to drink, it is a crime to rape. TRUTH: A person that is too drunk is incapable of consenting to sex; sex without consent is rape.   MYTH: It’s not rape if a woman wears revealing clothing, because then she wants sex. Sex without consent is always rape, no matter what the circumstances. Just because a woman wears a short skirt or a revealing top does not always mean that she is sending out a signal that she is available for sex. A woman always has the right to choose if, when and with whom she has sex. TRUTH: When a woman wears revealing clothes she is not actively consenting to sex – she must still be able to deny her consent to sex if she chooses to.   MYTH: Women who wear revealing clothing invite men to rape them. Appearance and clothing have nothing to do with who gets raped. Women are raped no matter what they wear: babies in nappies, old women in track suits and nuns in habits also get raped. TRUTH: Clothing does not determine who gets raped.                                                                                                                               MYTH: Only attractive women can get raped, if they are unattractive they would be happy to find someone interested in them.                                                                                                                                                                                              TRUTH: Rape is not about finding the person attractive, it is about power and control. Also, what one person finds attractive or unattractive is different to what another person finds attractive or unattractive. So, rape occurs with everyone and it is not only happening to "attractive" girls. MYTH: Rapists are always strangers in the dark. The truth is that most rapes occur between people who know each other. A person is much more likely to be raped by a family member, relation or friend than by a stranger. TRUTH: Rapists are mostly known to the survivor.   MYTH: It’s not rape if the woman has given her consent to having sex with the man before. If a woman consents to sex once, that does not mean the man has a right to have sex with her anytime from now on. TRUTH: Both people need to consent to sex every time, consenting to a person once is not a free ride for an unlimited amount of times. It is irrelevant whether or not you have had sex with this person before, rapes can even occur between married couples. Sex should be beautiful not scary!    MYTH: It’s not rape if the woman and man are married or in a relationship. The truth in a husband or boyfriend may never force his wife or girlfriend to have sex with him and a girlfriend or wife must never force herself onto her husband. If he/she does, he/she can be charged with rape. Consent has to be given for sex, every time. TRUTH: In any relationship, a woman has the right to say no to sex.   MYTH: Sex workers can’t be raped. TRUTH: The truth is that sex workers have the same right to refuse sex as anyone else. They are paid for consensual sex, not rape. They choose with whom to do business. Sex workers also have to consent to sex.   MYTH: Women say they have been raped to get revenge on a man. The truth is that women very rarely do this, as reporting rape to the authorities and going through a rape trial are very traumatic. It takes a lot of courage to report a rape and go through with a rape trial. Other people often make rape victims feel ashamed or guilty about the rape, which makes it even less likely that a woman would lie about rape. Statistics show that number of false reports of rape is the same as any other crime. TRUTH: People lie about all crimes, not just rape. The number of people that lie about being the victim of a crime is very small.   MYTH: A woman who withdraws rape charges was never raped in the first place. Women who withdraw rape charges mostly do this because the people around them pressure them to do so. This can happen, for example, if the rapist is the breadwinner of the family, if the family fears a scandal or if they fear revenge by the rapist’s friends and family. Rape victims are often intimidated into dropping charges. TRUTH: If a woman withdraws a rape charge, it doesn’t mean she was lying.   MYTH: It can only be called rape if there is sexual intercourse. Rape is defined very clearly. It does not only involve a penis into a vagina.                   Rape is when a person does these things with knowledge that the other person is not consenting:                                                                                                        1. Sexual intercourse                                                                                              2. Touching any part of the body in a sexual manner                                                  3. Displaying sexual content with another person       The act also can be aggravated by:                                                                          1. The degree of violence/ force used                                                                      2. the age of the victim, and age gap between the victim and accused.                          3. The act occurring in the presence of others.  TRUTH: Rape is when a person puts any body part or object into another person’s anus or vagina, or genital organs into the mouth of another person.   MYTH: If the victim gets sexually aroused or has an orgasm during the rape, it means she enjoyed it. Although this sometimes happens, it does not mean the survivor enjoyed it. It can in fact make the rape more traumatic. TRUTH: The stress of the rape can cause the body to respond in a sexual way automatically, also if the victim has disassociated during the rape then they will return to being conscious of her/his surroundings when the rapist begins to slow down and in the stress of the moment, she/he may orgasm.    MYTH: A woman can prevent rape if she tries hard enough. The truth is that most men are stronger than most women. But force is often not necessary, as men can use emotional manipulation, weapons or threats on the victim’s life to get a woman to comply. TRUTH:A woman cannot do anything to prevent the rape from happening.   MYTH: Respectable women don’t get raped. Promiscuous women invite rape. The truth is that there is no type of woman who gets raped: women of all ages and social positions get raped. The lifestyle and personality of the victim has nothing to do with getting raped. The rapist is to blame. TRUTH: Rape can happen to any type of person.   MYTH: A woman is asking to get raped if she goes into an unsafe area, such as a bad neighbour-hood or a bar. The truth is that women are more likely to be sexually assaulted in their own homes or in places familiar to them than anywhere else. TRUTH: A woman can be raped anywhere, even in her own home.   MYTH: Rapists are mentally ill madmen or are sex starved. The truth is that only very few rapists are mentally ill. Most rapists are not sex starved – they are mostly men who act responsibly at work and at home with their families. TRUTH: You cannot tell a rapist from a man who does not rape so no its not your fault that you could predict that the person would rape you. Going for a walk with them or going to a more private place does not mean that you knew he/she would rape you.    MYTH: Rape mostly involves black men raping white women. TRUTH: Most rapes occur between people of the same race.   MYTH: Gay men and lesbians deserve to be raped. Some people believe that homosexuality is unnatural and that it can be ‘cured’ through heterosexual rape. The truth is that rapists use rape as a weapon to harm and intimidate people who do not live according to the rapist’s own way of life. It is illegal to victimize gay men and lesbians in this way. TRUTH: No one deserves to be raped.   MYTH: Men rape for sex. The truth is that rape is not only about relieving sexual desire. It is about gaining power and control over another person. A rapist gets satisfaction by humiliating and controlling his victim and uses sex as the tool to do this. TRUTH: Rape is more about having power over someone than about sex.   MYTH: Once a man is sexually excited, he cannot stop. The truth is that all men and women sometimes get sexually excited and want it to lead to sex. But we can all choose to stop and wait for the feeling to subside. TRUTH: We all have control over our choices and our bodies. Rapists choose not to stop.   MYTH: Women dream or fantasize about rape and will enjoy it if it happens. The truth is that some women may think about being raped, but in no way do they wish it to happen. They can control fantasizing and can stop when they choose, but they have no control when they are raped. TRUTH: No one wants to be raped.   MYTH: Women say ‘no’ when they mean ‘yes’. In some cultures, a woman is expected to be coy and to not ‘welcome’ sexual advances. But this does NOT mean that a man can ignore it if a woman says ‘no’. A man must always be very sure that the woman consents. TRUTH: When a woman says ‘no’, it means ‘no’.
Could a rape/sexual assault chatroom be made?
Safety & Knowledge at 7 Cups / by softFriend28
Last post
 August 24th, 2017
...See more I think its difficult to find a chat room/support network for rape victims; but this would strengthen many to speak up against their perpetrators and provide support with a rape support member acting as a moderator... any thoughts on this idea? 
google search
Newbie Hub / by softFriend28
Last post
 August 11th, 2016
...See more I found 7cups when I searched "Free online counseling" and alas there it was! 
Its too hard to choose just one!
Hobby Zone / by softFriend28
Last post
 September 9th, 2015
...See more Main meal:  Pasta with freshly made tomato basil sauce or pasta with boscaiola sauce, gnocci, Ravioli boscaiola, Roast pumpkin and ricotta Ravioli  Salad:  baby spinach salad with blueberries, strawberries, mango, roasted and split almonds topped with feta cheese!  Dessert:  Buttermilk pancakes with different delicious toppings such as cinamon cream ice cream and apple, banana cream ice cream and honey mmmmm
Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!
Around the World / by softFriend28
Last post
 February 26th, 2017
...See more Hey! Im Miranda, 21 years old and Im also part of the Australian community! 
Search more from @softFriend28
Feedback & Reviews
You are too Awesome SoftFriend28 ;) Every time I chat with you, it keeps getting better and better. You are really a true gem of a person ;) :) Thanks for being there for me !
Amazing!
Brilliant listener :D
She makes me feel special, and appreciated. The kind of listener that makes you think of bestfriend that would hold you and let you cry on their shoulder or laps. I feel loved and secure.
softFriend28, was very helpful and listened to my issues with empathy and professionalism.
softFreind28 is the best listener of 7 Cups of tea. I highly recommend her. She's very kind and understanding.
awesome person to talk too..made my day !!!
She is the BEST listener I found out here. Very sweet and easy going girl . Members like me feel safe as long as we have got listeners like her ;)
She is the best listener on this site..I can't express enough words for my gratitude. Amazing listener. Thank you !
She's really sweet with the way she approaches your problem. I really enjoyed sharing my issues with her. I HIGHLY recommend you guys out here to connect with her. she is very accepting and caring and willing to listen to you about anything and help you through everything! This place requires more people like her :) She ROCKS !!!
thy friend is more then thy understanding yet even more so kind and smart / intelligent beyond her years please i beg this rating place for thy 7 cups of tea allow her to see this i sure hope she understands thy as thy self i pardon myself please if she can read this, miss softfriend28 i prey i did not over do thy's writing among u and that i did say okay things not to upset u as well for i value / cherish our convo's / commune it means a lot to thy's self i feel as thou i can really tell u how thy feels yet cherish ur friendship even more so as result i do fear of scaring ye off preying thy self did not talk to much nor bother to much first friend to ever care about me as u have! i just wanted to thank the for that, Paul-.
she's a grate roll model i am learning a lot from her every time i talk to her i grow more i think! i have a lot to learn about life and sure wished i knew i could learn enough to get me by in life mentally that is some things i just needed to talk to a big sister about and had no family so i talked to this lady and she was the nicest ever!.
she's my role model and the bests person in the entire world!. thank u misses or mister 7 cups of tea i feel like my life has meaning and purpose and she made me realize that! i dont know if she will get this or not my u recommend the world to go to miss SoftFriend28 she's helped me over come my depression and make me realize how much that my life did and does have a real meaning and purpose i sure wished that i had that whenever i was littler! well please do me a favor 7 cups of tea site please tell her she's a awesome lady and that i appreciate her kindness it made me feel better about myself and that i can go on without worrying about what the others in this world thought of me!.
The best person you could ever talk to. My situation was helpless but she is a caring, compassionate person who deserves to feel proud every day of her life. Thankyou so much.
Very compassionate and sweet. A real pleasure to talk to.
Really helpful and empathetic person. Helped me out a lot
She is great, direct to the point, very polite and non-judging person. It was a pleasure to share a conversation with her.
She is amazing. Thank you so much.
Very kind and helpful :)
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