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spence818
3,320 M Seeking Light 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts41 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceJune 28, 2020
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How to stop obsessing over the 'what ifs'.
Relationship Stress / by spence818
Last post
 September 4th, 2020
...See more Hello everyone, this is my first post so I hope I'm doing everything right so far. What I'm struggling with though are these torturous and invasive thoughts of my ex. We were together for 3 years and she ended up emotionally cheating on me with a coworker and leaving me for him 5 months ago. She broke up with me and broke the news to me over text and then over Skype but refusing to speak in person as adults. She blamed her decisions on my faults, telling me it's all because of me that she fell out of love with me, I never once thought there was an issue in the relationship, she never once told me there was an issue, she was completely fine until the day she left me. Because of these circumstances and the things she said, I still don't know what all was true in the relationship, what all was my fault, what all was normal relationship stuff or how much of it could've just been solved with communication. I don't know anything about the relationship anymore, all I seem to remember are her good qualities. I spend every moment of the day thinking about her, about what we had and what I could've done differently to keep her with me and for her to continue to love me. I know she wasn't perfect but I looked past her flaws because I loved her, now any flaws of hers that she had, I can't help but blame it as a result of my flaws. I can't stop thinking about the 'what ifs'. I don't know what is true anymore, I don't know if I was a good boyfriend or a bad one after what she said to me. I'm completely broken and I just want to move on from this break-up and become indifferent to her and her new boyfriend. I hate thinking about her 24/7, but that's all I do. I just want to move on and be hopeful and confident that I'll meet someone better for me. Has anyone else dealt with these obsessive thoughts? What are some ways to stop torturing myself with these regrets and overthinking?
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