strangerthankindness Member Profile

...See more hi, i recently lost my insurance and i've been having a really difficult time lately; usually i'd try to find a therapist, but i don't know. it's expensive. when i'm truly desperate i'll write on websites other than facebook. it's kind of my sign that i need immediate help. unfortunately i can't afford a hospital stay and i'm scared because i'm 26 and jobless at the moment and severely depressed and in pain at all times. i can't start at the beginning because there's too much to talk about. trauma, never been in a relationship that wasn't somewhat or extremely abusive and unhealthy. i tried TMS therapy earlier this year. it didn't work. meds never work. therapy never works. i feel detached from myself all the time now. like i'm kind of floating. i'm ultra aware of my chronic pain, but i feel so detached from my mind. like my body isn't all mine. not that there are aliens or something; just that i don't feel... REAL. i feel i'm in a nightmare i can't escape. i haven't had a happy thought in years. it's insane that i've carried on this long, i literally don't know why i keep going on... think about running away twice a week at least... i'm sorry for piling this on this community. i am so scared of myself. i can't be happy. the emotion doesn't exist for me. i just want to feel fine.

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