feeling... not in control of my body.
hi, i recently lost my insurance and i've been having a really difficult time lately; usually i'd try to find a therapist, but i don't know. it's expensive.
when i'm truly desperate i'll write on websites other than facebook. it's kind of my sign that i need immediate help. unfortunately i can't afford a hospital stay and i'm scared because i'm 26 and jobless at the moment and severely depressed and in pain at all times.
i can't start at the beginning because there's too much to talk about. trauma, never been in a relationship that wasn't somewhat or extremely abusive and unhealthy. i tried TMS therapy earlier this year. it didn't work. meds never work. therapy never works.
i feel detached from myself all the time now. like i'm kind of floating. i'm ultra aware of my chronic pain, but i feel so detached from my mind. like my body isn't all mine. not that there are aliens or something; just that i don't feel... REAL. i feel i'm in a nightmare i can't escape.
i haven't had a happy thought in years. it's insane that i've carried on this long, i literally don't know why i keep going on... think about running away twice a week at least...
i'm sorry for piling this on this community. i am so scared of myself. i can't be happy. the emotion doesn't exist for me. i just want to feel fine.
Hello,
Im Day, I can relate with your struggles, ive recently finally stepped out of my own way to get into therapy. I have 2 of them which may seem a bit much but it seems to be helpful. Disasociation may be that feeling of floating along, i disasociate when i get to overwhelmed. Ive been getting some relief from meditations i found online, affirmations also can be a healthy distraction / grounding technique. Sometimes we need to be kind to ourselves, and advocate for ourselves. Finding a balance is the goal i think.
I hope 7cups provides some comfort!!
Blessings, Day 😊
