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suh1099
311 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceDecember 14, 2023
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Just want to rant
Depression Support / by suh1099
Last post
 December 16th, 2023
...See more So, I lost my mum few months ago, and I’ve been trying to do my best everyday, but every morning there’s a regret of being awake, being alive. She was my best friend, we spoke about everything, she wanted me to help her with her chores but I always either delayed or totally forgot about them and she’d be real mad at me for it, but now that my dad and I live alone, I do everything she did and all I can think is why didn’t I do all this while she was here, why didn’t I make her life easy? Do you guys think she was disappointed in me before she left? The guilt of not serving her the best I could is eating me up. I just want to go to her, I want my ma back, I don’t want to be here anymore. every time I eat my lunch alone, I just miss her so much, and sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy, the sudden feeling of being woke and realizing she’s really gone is the worst feeling ever, and there are days where I suddenly get flashbacks of the hospital and I can feel from my feet to my head that I’m losing it. why should I be here when she’s no longer here? What’s the purpose of all this? Why didn’t I give my ma a better life, why didn’t I be the best I could be for her? I hate myself, I hate myself so much, I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is a person who deserves to be ukw.
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