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sunnyWalker6575
170 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceMay 8, 2020
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Relationship Stress / by sunnyWalker6575
Last post
 August 25th, 2020
...See more How often do people really change? Especially the toxic behaviors? I very recently left my husband because I felt our relationship has become unhealthy. After years of asking him to help me work on our issues with no help I finally had enough. Now so quickly he has done some of the things I've asked him to do over the years. He even wants to get professional help if that's what I want, which I've been asking for years. Why did it have to get to this point before he was finally ready to start working on our issues. I want to believe that he will change and things will get better but I just don't know if I can trust that it will last. In the past working on things he would change for a while then get comfortable again and go right back to the way things were. I'm afraid this will be the same. I still love him very much and this is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done but I never want to feel the way I felt before in our relationship. I wouldn't wish those feelings on my worse enemy. I just wish I knew if he really is serious about putting in the work this time or if it'll be just like it always is.
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Lost
Relationship Stress / by sunnyWalker6575
Last post
 August 20th, 2020
...See more I left my husband of six years the other day and im feeling so lost and confused. On one hand I feel like this was the right decision for myself but on the other hand I really wish we could make it work. Our relationship had been very unhealthy for a while and if I'm truly honest with myself I wasn't happy. But I just feel so bad for leaving him. I still have so much love for him and I know he loves me too. So I'm feeling unsure about my decision.
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Am I wrong
Relationship Stress / by sunnyWalker6575
Last post
 August 26th, 2020
...See more I've been married for about six years during that time I've been the one who has supported us the most financially. I've always had a steady job ever since I could work up until recently (my place of employment fired me during the pandemic) when we first got married he worked a regular job but about a year into our marriage he quit and started doing odd jobs just enough to cover his half of rent and to pay for whatever he is collecting at the time. Then the major responsibility of the finances got put on me (90% of the groceries, a pack of cigarettes a day each, going out, sometimes even his half of bills, ect). Over the last five years of this happening I have voiced how I'm not alright with how things are going. He will get better about it for a month or so and then go right back to it. He has spent money of mine that I've set aside time and time again without so much as asking me. Sometimes he won't even tell me after he does it. Just waits until I find out on my own. When I get upset about it he immediately tells me I'm wrong that since we are married what's mine is his and his is mine. We have never had a joint bank account because he is so bad about spending. It's gotten so bad that I can't even leave money in my bank account without him spending it. When I try to talk to him about it some how he ends up making me feel bad about not wanting to keep supporting us both.
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Unsure
Relationship Stress / by sunnyWalker6575
Last post
 September 3rd, 2020
...See more I've been married almost 6 years now. At first things were great but over the years it seems like he's a whole different person. When we first met and even into our first year or so of marriage he was working, helping around the house, helping support our household, and we could communicate with each other well. None of those things are true to our marriage now. He hasn't worked a regular job in about 4 years, won't pick up anything in the house because "it's not my mess" or "that's the woman's job" out side of paying his half of rent I pay for everything because "I make more it's only fair" there is nothing stopping him from getting a regular job other than him not wanting to have a boss. He does do odd jobs when he can but that money is gone by the time he gets it, sometimes he will pay his half of rent but mostly it gets spent on himself (video games or whatever he is collecting at the time) he has even went as far as to spend our whole tax return without asking or telling me, this has happened more than once. We no longer have good communication. If I try to tell him how I'm feeling I'm always wrong or just out right crazy. I could tell him the sky is blue and still be wrong. I have tried to bring these issues up to him but I get cut down every time. Or told it's my fault. Since March I have been staying with my sister due to the covid pandemic, when our state got our first confirmed case he told me either I can stay home with him and quarantine or I can continue to work and live somewhere else. He considers himself at high risk for dying. I tried to suggest other alternatives but everyone was shot down. Unfortunately since neither of us can seem to save any money I had no choice but to keep working. Six months later I'm still not living at home and also not working. In order to come home I'd have to get tested and quarantine till I get my results and once I'm home I'd have to stay in only leaving to get a grocery pick up or the drive thru smoke shop of course with a mask on. I wouldn't be able to go see my family even with a mask on until a vaccine is available. I'm just so tired of being the only one in our relationship that has to make the compromise. He never sees any of this as wrong and will go around saying he is always right. I have a feeling this will never change. My heart still loves him very much despite all of the huge red flags, my brain knows I should throw in the towel. It's just so difficult. When I tell him I'm going to leave he will change for a short period of time but eventually he goes right back to his old ways. I want so badly to make our relationship work again. But I'm afraid it never will be a healthy relationship for either of us. After him having me move out I don't know that I will ever feel safe in our relationship again and when I told him this he said that I shouldn't feel this way that he only did what he needed to do that it was the only way. I know I love him and always will but I also know what we have isn't healthy and I'm not sure it ever will be again. There are so many other horrible things that have happened and I've only scratched the surface. I don't know any more that our relationship is even worth fighting for. I just don't know how I let this all get so bad.
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