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...See more So I've read a helpful article that I'm about to share with you guys today. You can find the original article here [https://barendspsychology.com/online-therapy-mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder/living-with-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder/]. But because I think it's too long, I decided to sum it all in this post. Hope that it'd help you Borderline personality disorder (BPD) not only affects the person who has it, but also the people living with them. People with BPD have difficulty regulating their emotions and behaviour and that can cause a lot of problems for those around them. Fortunately, living with someone with borderline personality disorder means you can help them (and yourself) by setting healthy boundaries, improving communication, and by stabilizing the relationship. Setting Healthy Boundaries Healthy boundaries are also extremely important when it comes to living with someone with borderline personality disorder, because they make behaviour and expectations predictable within the relationship. At the same time these healthy boundaries in a relationship reduce the chance that people with BPD feel confused, annoyed, angry, upset or sad. For example: if one of your boundaries is: no contact during working hours, then it will be easier for someone with BPD to accept that you wont pick up the phone if he or she calls you. If you dont have this healthy boundary, then someone with BPD may start to worry that you dont want to pick up the phone if he/she calls you, whereas you may be in a meeting at that time. Although setting boundaries can be quite challenging, in the end they will help build a sense of trust and respect between the two of you. Improving Communication Communication with someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), however, is the most important ingredient for a successful relationship. People with BPD have difficulty reading non-verbal signs and have problems regulating their emotions. This means that you need to be very clear about your intentions, thoughts, and emotions, and try to leave as little room as possible for their own interpretation of events. Below are a few tips and tricks that will improve your communication with someone with borderline personality disorder. Focus on emotions, not on words: unlike in a normal relationship, communicating with someone with BPD means you have to focus more on their emotions than on their words. When they are emotional they may say things that make little sense (its difficult for everyone to stay rational when they are emotional). Therefore, it can be very confusing to listen to their story. In some cases it could upset you which could lead to an altercation or fight. And thats what you want to avoid, so I recommend you to focus on their emotions and try to calm them down. The moment you realize your approach isnt working, it may be better to leave the situation until the both of you are calmed down. Remember to explain this to your partner. Try to stay calm: your partner needs someone who remains calm, even when he/she is very emotional and unreasonable. By staying calm, someone with BPD calms down more easily as well. Of course, this is easier said than done. In case you notice youre getting upset or angry as well, its better to leave the situation rather than continuing with the discussion. Please, make sure you partner knows you will leave when you get upset. Listen actively and be sympathetic: Someone with BPD often feels like no-one is listening to them. This can be extremely frustrating to them. Therefore, its important for you to listen to them and make them feel heard. That means: do not interrupt them (unless they become abusive), focus on them (not on the computer, cell phone or television), withhold blame and criticism, and try to redirect the conversation to the initial point in a calm way. This way its more likely that their emotions wont rise. Use distraction as a strategy: Its difficult for people to think rationally when they are very emotional. The moment people calm down they can think more clearly. Therefore, its important to distract someone who is high in their emotions by bringing up different topics or by doing something with that person. Ask your partner which activities sooth her and use them whenever you feel like your partner needs them. A few examples: going for a hike, listening to music, doing home chores, paint/draw, cook/bake something, and playing with your pet. Putting Things in Perspective Living with someone with borderline personality disorder cant be compared to living with someone without any mental disorder. People with BPD have a fear of (potential) abandonment/rejection and experience difficulty regulating their emotions. These are just a few questions that may help you to put your relationship with someone with BPD in perspective. Here are a few things you need to take into consideration: Giving your opinion: giving your opinion on a delicate topic may backfire eventually. A delicate topic could be: looks, appearance, opinions on certain political situations, skills someone has or lacks, having an argument with someone, and so on. Example: your partner with BPD has an argument with someone else and asks for your opinion on this matter. If you disagree with your partner with BPD, he or she may perceive it as a rejection. This may lead to insecurity and an argument. If you agree with your partner he/she may start including you in the whole argument and that may become awkward. A better strategy would be to stay neutral and to highlight possible explanations, arguments And how his/her feelings/emotions may affect his/her judgment. This way someone with BPD will not feel rejected by you. At the same time your partner with BPD will get more insight in the way his/her feelings and emotions could affect her judgment regarding the situation. Assumptions [http://www.dictionary.com/browse/assumption] and clarity: people with BPD have difficulty reading non-verbal behaviour, and even more importantly whenever they lack information they start assuming things. Living with someone with borderline personality disorder means you have to be very clear when it comes to communication. Dont assume your partner reads your body language well, dont assume your partner will understand the fact that you are three hours late (without notifying him/her), and so on. In stead, be clear about your feelings and emotions when you and your partner are communicating and notify your partner in time when you expect to be delayed. Also when it comes to arguments: let your partner know how his/her actions make you feel at certain moments, and explain why you want to/will leave the situation when things get out of hand. Another important point to keep in mind: dont assume that arguments will blow over. For you they may, but for someone with BPD this leaves open a lot of questions, feelings, and emotions and that could lead to false assumptions from her side. Take care of yourself: a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder can be exhausting, tiring and it sometimes feels like its not rewarding. Thats why its important to make sure you have a life of your own and you have fun. Its not selfish to go out, exercise or meet with friends without your partner. In fact, it will make you feel better about yourself and gives you new energy. Dont forget to eat and sleep regularly and healthy. Especially when the relationship is very turbulent its easy for people to forget about their healthy habits… please, dont! It will make you feel worse about yourself if you forget about them. So what do you think about this post? Does your love one deal with BPD? I'd like to hear your thoughst on this article! Wish it could help you and give you some insights If you need anything, just leave me a PM, I'd be happy to help!

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