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tallCircle1126
1 608 M Embraced 5
PathStep 36 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts38 Forum upvotes36 Current upvotes36 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceAugust 11, 2019
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Previous Internalized Queerphobia Biting Me
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by tallCircle1126
Last post
 June 25th
...See more Recently, I started creating a new Stargate series. I began mapping out a base camp, writing new character dialogue, and world building. It was really fun at first, but then I hit an increasingly creeping sense of anxiety. Eventually I drilled down to it being left over anxiety from my teenage years where I created false memories of me being sexually abused. I created these because around 14 I realized that I am bisexual/queer and it completely collided with my sense of self. Then around 15 I started to make these false memories and they felt really real. I never ended up accusing anyone because, even from a young age, I knew I was capable of imagining scenes that felt real. (In fact, around age 8, I started doing mental "logic checks" because I noticed adults were getting concerned). Instead, I spent seven years dealing with those intrusive thoughts until I finally debunked them and uncovered what they were actually hiding. Once I fully accepted that I was bisexual, the false memories faded away. I was working with a university psychologist at the time who helped me through it. When I started diving into worldbuilding this Stargate series, I realized I was anxious that I might do something to harm myself like I did before. I spent much of Monday trying to figure out why I was so anxious about worldbuilding and creating clips in my head (later written to scripts). I then realized this is the first time I've really exercised the narrative imagination of my brain since I broke free from those false memories. That's likely why I was so nervous. At 31, I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, which I think feeds into this heavily; that creative drive combined with the ADHD felt like an uncontrollable avalanche of thoughts, making me scared I could lose control of the process again and make damaging and not just fun scenes. Now that I realize this, I really want to continue pushing that narrative engine. I just don’t want to spend all my time worrying I’m going to start creating damaging, torturous thoughts again. Anyone else have similar experiences? How did you forgive yourself and trust yourself again?
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Twisted up and feeling stuck
Depression Support / by tallCircle1126
Last post
 May 1st, 2025
...See more I am currently at a job where I really see no future in. I do farm as well and that gives me fullfilment, but to be financially secure I need to have another income stream. I have been upskilling myself learning embedded systems and already have 3d modeling skills. I am hoping build up a side business building electronics/running a print farm. Doing all of this at once is making my nerves feel fried and like I'm working three jobs. I also am not dedicating any time to my social life and I feel like I'm going to end up alone because of it. Mostly wanted to vent my problems and see if anyone has any thoughts I may find useful.
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How can my parents support me?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by tallCircle1126
Last post
 January 10th, 2021
...See more I talked to my parents about the amount of shame I feel about being queer, and that I don't like talking to them about it because it makes me anxious. Thankfully I have very supportive parents and they only asked me what they can do to help. The thing is I don't know how they can help me. I am the one who is uncomfortable talking about myself, so I am not sure how to overcome that. Any ideas?
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How to stop pushing people away?
Depression Support / by tallCircle1126
Last post
 February 6th, 2021
...See more For the last couple of months, I have been feeling increasingly depressed. Instead of asking for help from people in my life, I have been avoiding people by spending more time alone. When I am with people, I feel like I am constantly playing a game of deception. I feel this bad because I am getting increasingly fed up with society's expectations of what I am supposed to act like. I feel stuck because I am too cowardly to tell anyone how I am feeling and why. I know that I cannot get through this on my own, so does anyone have any advice on how to not push people away?
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