tealHemlock6216 Member Profile

...See more I've been regularly watching porn since I was around 13. I'm now in my early 20's, and I've hit a huge turning point in my life where I need to kick this awful addiction for the better of not only myself, but for those I love as well. For the past year or so I've been needing more "risky" content for me to really get that rush. Im terrified of being a borderline pdfile. Some of the group chats I inadvertently joined were horrid, and not at all a representation of who I am or want to be. Well if that's the case then WHY DO I GO BACK. I'm now filled with nothing but shame, guilt, sadness, and anxiety because of this awful addiction. I keep telling myself it's not the content I like, it's the feeling it gives me. Which I believe is still true. I need to get help and get out of this endless cycle of relapse, pain, paranoia, shame, and repeat. I've begun having panic attacks (something I've never experienced until a couple months ago). My gf, parents, and friends all deserve so much better than what I am, they are amazing people who I'm beyond blessed to know and be close to. They could never look at me the same if they knew the extent of my addiction. I want to be stronger, I want to be confident in myself again, I want to be a man worthy of the love he receives. I'm open to any input you may have, as well as conversations outside of this. I've never been to therapy, I can't afford it, but right now I've never felt so alone and scared.

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