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thecatsme0w
1 177 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 12, 2025
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My first attempt
Newbie Hub / by thecatsme0w
Last post
 November 21st, 2025
...See more Hi, I’ve been on here for a little over a month. I scroll through once a week to attempt to try to heal but I know that isn’t helping. Therapy for some reason is too hard for me to start. I want to. I look forward to it but then I feel stupid and my self esteem has been so low that I wouldn’t blame the therapist to not want to be my therapist because of my physical appearance. It’s not even I think I’m gross it’s not hard to convince me or make me doubt my own thoughts on myself. I’ve always been hard on myself over anything but I don’t know how to not be. I have a hard time understanding what I need to work on because I can’t even truly point out when I’m having a panic attack or if I do. I see it as it’s just me and how it is. I’m perfectly calm and fine like I’ve always been except now I have triggers that make me not okay to say the least. I am now 32 and have been sober for three years, I listen to a lot of advice and try a lot of techniques with myself when I feel myself not feeling okay. I’ve been through not so great events in my life but people go through worse, why can’t I just get back to life normally when it’s what I want so badly. I don’t think about the events and cry. I don’t ever think about those bad times until something happens like a knock on the door sends me mentally in a bad mood because I can be happy and relaxed watching tv but once someone knocks usually a kid to play with my son, I get all worked up and honestly I never check the door. I can’t. I want to but I won’t. The door isnt the only incident. I want to be myself again, be authentic me. I want to go to concerts and go in the pit and sing loud like I use to. I want to be able to go sit outside or go on walks without feeling fear so strong about going outside that it keeps me inside. I love outside. I hope this makes sense to some degree to someone on here. I want to be confident again and look forward to my days not wake up and want to go back to bed. Does anyone have any tips on how to achieve or make small steps to get to my goals? I feel stupid even writing this out but something is telling me this is a safe place.
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