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tidyHuman4502
408 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts28 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 12, 2023
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I feel like I have no one
Depression Support / by tidyHuman4502
Last post
 October 4th, 2023
...See more lately my drepression is getting worse and I feel like I want to share it with my close friend but I just feel like I always talk with them about this since I only told 1 of my best friends about my depression and I never talked to anyone before for 7 years except my doctor. I feel like I’m really annoyed him because I called him when I felt down since he also has it and he understand but now I just tried to avoid him because things between us start to be complicated. After I tried not to talk with him when I have depression the first person that pop in my head is him but I cant call him anymore. It makes me feel like I really have no one. It makes me feel sadder and sadder moreover another best freind of my she just started her business so she quite busy she doesnt reply me as fast as before. I feel like two of my best friends start to go farer and farer from me. I just dont know how to deal with it. It’s true that if I endure it, it’s gonna pass and I wont feel like I want to call them but I still feel empty and have no one everyday. How long it’s gonna take for me to rely just me and myself again and how long it’s gonna take for me to getting better from depression. I dont know why but it’s getting worse and worse to the point that I have so many physical problems. I just want not to be sad. I dont want to be happy just not sad and cry alone everyday anymore.
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Should I walk away
Relationship Stress / by tidyHuman4502
Last post
 October 7th, 2023
...See more I have my bestfriend who I know him for two years and spend a lot of time tgt because we both international student. He always there for me through the toughest time of my life and he also shared his traumatic stories that he had never told anyone to me as well. 7-8 months ago we both know we have to say goodbye and go back to our home country which make us really sad and he started to spend more time with me more. We slept tgt but no sex just cuddle, we held hands, we kissed and i just feel a bit morethan frds and I felt good actually but I still didnt want to admit it because I dont want to ruin the friendship and I’m scared of losing him since I knew that he is a type of guy that never commit with anyone and he had commitment issues also he always gets bored easily. Until the day we say goodbye which is he asked me that does friend kiss and hug and cry at airport when they say goodbye. I still said yeah maybe… After that we still talk but I always worried that he might change or something. Until last month I have a plan to go to his country because my family gonna go travel so I just went there 3 weeks earlier to meet him. It’s a bit awkward at first and he just said that he never had someone to visit him before even his family never visited him. He stressed and felt like he didnt what to do. So he just said to me that he can hangout with me but not everyday. So I said i came here just to see him and he knew it. He gonna leave me alone like this?. He just shocked and he said what should he do so I decided to travel alone but still met him3-4 days but after that he asked me to stay with him and he said sorry. He tried to makeup with me and cried to me one day because he said that he doesnt want to lose me but he doesnt know how to maintain relationship it’s too hard. So I just think that okay i wont keep any hopes again about this relationship. I had one week free before I went back to my country he asked me everyday to meet but I always said no because I think i want to move on from this. Normally I texted him alot we talked a lot but I just changed to replied him really slow and he called and asked me so I said I think I will change myself he’s not gonna lose me but i wont be the same person I used to be for him, I’m not gonna contact him that often. He just said that I’m tge first one that make he knows how to take care and how to be loved and when I said like this it made him scared that I might leave him forever. I just said that I need my time but I didnt say that because I liked him and this made me anxious and worried about him all the time. He cried and send me back to my country we cried a lot. He said this is not the last time right? I just silent because i didnt know how to handle. Right now I came back he texted me but i didnt replied for 5 days and then one day i just felt like I missed him a lot. Those 5 days i thought i just tried to deny or jetlag or whatever. But now I miss him and the only things that I’m afraid is if I keep ignore him we r not gonna be friend anymore and he gonna be just my memory. I know that the relationship between us wont develop to be morethan this so i try to move on from it but I still feel like I dont want to lose him and I dont want him to feel bad as well. what should I do. Just ghost him for a while or try to response him once a day or what should I do. In my head, i always keep thinking about him
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I’m confused
Depression Support / by tidyHuman4502
Last post
 September 23rd, 2023
...See more I dont know that’s it’s weird or not but I just keep thinking that I want to cut my best frd out of my life because I feel like I dont want to get hurt if he does something that disappoint me.
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I don’t know what to do
Depression Support / by tidyHuman4502
Last post
 September 23rd, 2023
...See more I feel like all the people the I can talk to are distancing me becuase I always talk about my thoughts and its kinda negative. Sometime I feel bad I feel like I want to reach out for them but I also feel like they gonna be so annoyed at me so it made me suffer a lot because I always feel like I’m all alone and annoying
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I’m so confused
Relationship Stress / by tidyHuman4502
Last post
 September 23rd, 2023
...See more I have a best friend and at first i feel like he is jut womanizer and he always talks with me about his thought and talk about girls. So I didn't think anything and just see him as a friend even he did something that look a bit more than friend such as he always hug me or pad my head when i feel down and he surprised me with coffee in front of my room or call me in case to make sure that i’m not suffer from depression. we always there and spend almost whole day tgt everyday because we r both international student even he’s extreme extrovert and likes to go to club he always end up come to me after club to talk or maybe called me and then leave. He always said that he cant spend time with anyone for too long because he always wants to meet new people and he gets bored easily but we have dinner tgt everyday for 6 months. until the day that I had to go back to my home country he said that we need to spend more time tgt and on that day we just kissed and in my head i just think that what did i do that a very big mistake so i said to him that get out from my room and let’s act like nothing happens so he said okay we acted like normal in front of our friends but it end up happen again and again because we always spend evening tgt. Until the point that he slept in my bedroom we cuddled but i never have sex with him. we spend time like couple but we still say we r just frd because i dont want to loose him. I just scare that if i said something he might not be the same and everything will be end. we actually spend last two months before i left like a couple we travel we kiss we hold hands we hugged we cuddled but we still didnt have sex because my trauma and i dont want to end up like all the girls around him that he *** because he always has sex with frds and random girls i left to my home country i cried a lot so did he but we still chat and talk and called but sometime he just didnt reply me back because he had mental issues which make me felt like he changed. i decided to go back to see him again in the next 4 months because my family had a plan to go travel in uk anyway. So i went there 2 weeks earlier to spend time with him. At first when we met it’s a bit awkward and i just overthink because i felt like i shouldnt come here. He said to me that he had to see his frds and he’s not free everyday. I slept alone in hotel and he stayed at his home. I was so depressed and felt like he didnt care about me so I decided to ignore him and end everything and he just kept calling and texted me. i took his called and he said it’s his first time to feel comfort and have someone to care about him like this before because he’s problem with his family and studied aboard since middle school. So he said that it felt overwhelmed for him but he wanted to try everything to make me feel better. He wanted to take care of me and dont want to loose me. However we still saying that we are frds and right now i about to leave again and he asked me to meet him before we both leave but i’m just scared to meet him and just feel like i want to runaway and dont want to get hurt anymore and told him and he said that he wants to figure everything out tgt. He doesnt like when i just think by myself and always wants to ignore him. He just said he wants to improve himself more and more to make me stay. should i meet him or just runaway back to my home country and do u think he just think with me as a very good frd and doesnt want to lose me?
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I feel like everyone that I care take my love toward them for grant
Depression Support / by tidyHuman4502
Last post
 September 13th, 2023
...See more I just had a family trip and I did everything for them but they still complain, gossip and make joke for what I plan for them. I feel so bad and my brother who I trusted the most also act two faces to me, he gossip me with my mom and I overheard it. I feel so betrayed. I feel like I’m mad and feel annoyed but I also feel guilty at the same time that I’m mad at my own family. Everytime I look at them I just feel bad, *** and sad.
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