tidyOak3807 Member Profile

...See more Today mum told me I'm so self centered, that i only think about my problems and think that everyone is happy. That i don't call dad, don't spend time with brother, don't ask her how she is, don't ask if grandmas need any help. And she's right, i don't do there things. I don't think that everyone is happy, i get that people suffer. But she believes that i need to accept that like is bad, and being in pain is just normal and what everyone does, so i should too be in pain cause that's life. She said i should stop thinking about my problems and spend my time worrying about other people's problems, so i don't have time to be sad about my life. And i can call dad, but i don't care about him, i can pretend and act as if i do, but it's just a lie. So should i lie and say i love him, have a fake but great relationship with him? He would feel good about it, sure, i will feel like a liar. Should i pretend that i miss him, i don't in the slightest. And it's even worse cause I'm supposed to be grateful, i still live fully in his money and he's at war not be his choice making that money. And this makes me even more guilty to lie. He should get real gratitude and love for it. And he's getting it form mum and brother, don't think my fake love can help much. But it made mum cry talking about it, that he's there and i don't even call him, while living on his money. Like *** she thinks he deserves it, but I'm not doing it? But why did she thinks i don't? Cause i care so much about him, but don't call cause too busy thinking about myself? That makes no sense. Well it sounded like she believes I'm just egoistic, but not sure why she thinks i can fix that by faking care. I don't think she think I'm a bad person, so maybe she thinks I'm actually too busy analyzing my life that i forget about people i "love"? I can spend time with brother, she said like i can make afford to do something for him or go something for him. I don't feel like i want to. And yes, i also wish i loved my parents or family, but i don't feel a thing when he comes home after 6 month away. Or when I'm leaving my brother for a while, or when my grandma tells me how her legs hurt. They feel like colleagues or classmates. Like I'm talking to them every day for years, but like don't feel anything if they tell me they are in pain. So do i fake caring? I know it would make me like a horrible person, but would make them happy. And the happiness of 4 people seems bigger than the happiness of one, but also it's not like their whole happiness depends on me. She seemed almost mad that i said I'm not really happy. I guess she feels like her being here should make me happy, like i have nothing to worry about. And that I'm not happy just cause I'm with her was offensive to get, and i get that. I really don't have anything bad happening in my life so she thinks I'm just ungrateful. And i should just enjoy life, but I'm stupid, so i think my silly pointless thoughts, that don't matter at all, and that's why I'm unhappy. But what i should do is just accept what i have and just be happy. My mistake, i didn't know i can just be happy

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