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tornwillow
3 10,780 M Pacing Forward 4
PathStep 43 Compassion hearts410 Forum posts659 Forum upvotes662 Current upvotes662 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceJuly 29, 2016
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Strength
The Church Cares / by tornwillow
Last post
 Thursday
...See more Today I need to face my traumas head on and I’m petrified
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What do I even expect
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 Thursday
...See more I haven’t written here in a few years and so much has changed…..but then has it Actually found myself a decent man yet managed to ruin that with all my trauma and just “being me” - everyone leaves Today I have to go to the place it all started….I asked a guy to inject me with meth and ended up lucky to be alive I was sold My other half and I are breaking up and yet struggling to seperate. He knows everything which was huge for me and doesn’t even care what I have to face today cause of work and unfortunate circumstances no choice I got drunk last night telling him which led to him frustrated and feeling triggered himself cause I cut him off……but I needed the support This morning all he did was ask if he could do anything I’m sitting here at work almost more deverstated not having him do something that anything else
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Ahhhhh
Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 May 27th, 2024
...See more Hope okay am writing hear ex addiction love addiction putting self down sex addiction him addiction drug addiction …. he is now in gaol just got the call the dreaded call. Knew he was on run from worse things than ever and he hadn’t been replying to emails he wanted to see me but prob to make his girl jealous the one he loves more than me prob only calling for money convinient only time he calls couldn’t when out
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Hopelessly helpless
Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 April 28th, 2024
...See more I miss him I miss us …Would I use again with him…yes I feel it connects us, I want him to be satisfied and feel I can’t so by being owned and used somehow I am…
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Ahhhhhh
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 October 20th, 2023
...See more Please support if can am waking a dangerous line Ex didn’t go to gaol and we still emailing it brings everything back up I get obsessive and affected by all he says or doesn’t say. He wants to see me…. Probably, most definitely, for money or control/satisfaction. I have kept away from him for 3 years almost to the day which is kinda weird. I read into things that happen like this. I will use meth, him and using are combined. im scared that I am so tempted…after everything I’ve been through to get self to point am at now. Want him to want to see me I am leading him on but then am I? I do want to see him so I am not lying in what I say. Im scared… I always get hurt when I see him, physically and mentally and risk everything. He is on and off with another girl who more or less he cheated on me with. I hate she in the past is the focus and most important. He is probably with her now which is why no reply’s to emails. It is probably a game. Why am I so drawn to this…. I have had last week off work since we have been emailing as it has consumed me and my headspace. I have to go to work. Wanted so much to head to him. Still do. It’s this overwhelming sensation taking over.
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Ahhhhhh
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 October 14th, 2023
...See more Sorry I don’t know where to put this thread and have been struggling to post. I feel like fool….more than ever….which is saying something. I haven’t seen my ex nor used meth in three years, the two became one and turned my world upside down. I still haven’t healed and the things that happened I replay questioning blame and holding shame. The experiences have challenged my…everything. I don’t even crave ‘normal’ sex now. Can’t get self back out there regardless as don’t feel good enough. Started emailing my ex again and my whole world stopped…again…it was like 3 years had not past and I was hook line and sinker. Chasing and wanting everything he won’t give. He possibly goes back to gaol today….either way I can’t face myself or the world. I don’t want to feel this way anymore
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Alone
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 September 3rd, 2023
...See more Feeling alone.. how is everyone. I hope well and this is why quiet in this space: I wish freedom to all - the ability to be unapologetically as are and not need for anything else
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Can’t escape today
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by tornwillow
Last post
 July 4th, 2023
...See more Well today his birthday and sorry *trigger warning* regarding pregnancy and such………. Also the due date of my first conceived being. Gahhhh, even after all this time I can’t bring myself to actually believe nor accept or even come to term with this fact that was reality, is reality. How much my life turned on its head and how much I became things I never thought of as am against and ahhhhh i still fail and yet fail to fail to grow just continue not continuing infact. I am moving but no where fast and stick on repeat… (only movie moment I’ve got….) “I’m scared of who I am, what I’ve done and most of all I’m scared of never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I am with you” Gahhhhhhh it hurts, all of it and especially today i am nothing and no one to this guy who consumed my world and dare I admit, actually all conceived with. to want something so much and yet deny such for the better of that which shouldn’t be….. sorry but this thread is my past that can’t continue to hold my future.., lost more of self and struggling to return. Ice is freezes the soul.
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