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toughSea2420
69 M Embraced
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceMay 21, 2021
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Struggling bad again right now.
Anxiety Support / by toughSea2420
Last post
 June 8th, 2021
...See more I'm feeling so down, yet so anxious. It's so hard to control the anxiety and thoughts and tears and everything, especially when I'm in a situation where I need to the most. I've been struggling a bit more the past two days and tonight my boyfriend and I had a bit of a disagreement and I was feeling really low and he likes to just turn everything off and sleep like nothing is wrong. I didn't want to end up crying alone in a other room again tonight for hours waiting for the anxiety and waves of depression to pass so I asked if he could sit up with me for a few minutes and watch some videos. And he says "I just Want to sleep". So I'm trying to explain that I'm only asking for a few minutes and why I'm asking and then he gets mad and sits up and starts shouting about how I never listen to him and then I freeze and Idk what to do and I'm crying more and he gets madder and I'm asking him to stop yelling and he won't and it's making me worse so I toss the remote on The bed which ended up looking like I tried to throw it at him so then he yells more after trying to break the remote and throws it across the room. That at least snapped me out of the freeze enough to get the remote and try to unbend it and tell him that's not OK. That the aggression and violence is not OK and not healthy. And I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong this time and he's ends up calming a bit but then complains about me.being in. His space too.much when I've spent 90% of my time away from him in other rooms. He lost his dad a few weeks ago and while he has never been good at processing his emotions ( bottles it up then explodes, or is just a cranky ass hole until he move on), it's been so much worse lately. And I get it. I lost my father many years ago so I know how tough that can be. I really didn't feel like I was asking for much, but apparently I was. It's been so hard. And now he's sleeping and I'm in another room crying and trying to remind myself that the depressive thoughts are not true. I guess i shouldn't have asked anyway since I still ended up here. Idk if this is what this thread is for and if it's not I apologize I've been typing this while crying too. I hate this so much.
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