tubbletoe35792 Member Profile

...See more As a student (16F) who is about to graduate from junior high, I still have no idea on what I should be doing for my future. I study at a prestigious school. A lot of my classmates seem to have planned it out or used their dreams as a basis for this, since they already know which course/job they will be picking for the following years. I, on the other hand, don't have any specific dream. I find it hard to pick a course that would really suit my interests, work ethics, and personality. I believe its because I have a lot of unresolved things involving myself. I once decided that I want to try computer science because I love playing computer games, but after finding out that it had math (my worst subject) I couldn't help but think of other options. I tried different extra-curricular activities in order to know if I excel and are interested with them. I get awards most of the time, but I always end up quitting once people try to give me an opportunity to speak in front of others after that. I am both socially anxious/awkward, so due to my fear of embarassing myself, I miss out on these credentials that could really be useful if I want to land myself a good job someday. The only reason for that is I have poor self-esteem, and I hate taking risks as it severely stresses me out. From then on, I have a fear of joining such things and grabbing opportunities. I feel even worse about myself because I have a brother who is always trying to get as much as credentials as he can because he already has plans for his college. He is also much sociable and smarter than I am. I am glad that he does this and in a way it inspires me, but I am held back by the expectations of others that I must be the same way since we are siblings after all. And when they realize that we're not the same, I could feel the hint of disappointment. I didn't really care, because I know how hard it is to be in his shoes as an achiever. He takes risks, but because of my fears and anxiety, I cannot do the same way. This brings back the cycle from my inability to decide for my future. The "unresolved things" are being a hindrance for me to truly find my purpose on why I am here in the first place. I may just be a young student, and I know maybe its just me being nervous because I am slowly reaching the peak of adulthood. However, that is the exact reason why I want to overcome these problems as soon as possible - as I already managed to make an essay.

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