turnip24 Member Profile

...See more I’ve been fighting for disability for almost two years. My court hearing is finally coming up…however I find myself struggling. I had to get my doctors to fill out these forms and I guess I expected push back. I mean I’ve always heard “your too young to be this sick” or “you don’t really need that yet” …..but not this time. This time they all signed. They all filled it out. My lawyer says I’m a slam dunk. I don’t want to be a slam dunk. I don’t really want to be disabled. I don’t want my health deteriorating. I don’t want the state to have it on paper that I’m deteriorating. I just I feel like I’m losing the person I was and I’m scared. I wonder how much of me is left now? I wonder what my life will be. If this will be short term for a few years till I’m better…if this will be my forever. im not saying being disabled isn’t a worthwhile life, it’s just that I have been sick 10 years now. Not once have I imagined or dreamt of what my life would look like as a disabled person. I dreamt of a cure, of being healthy….and somehow formalizing it with the government…having my doctors just all agree it’s needed. It makes me feel like we are all giving up on that dream. That I’m stuck like I am. Maybe I am….I mean chronic means life long right? anyway if anyone has been through something similar please let me know…or if anyone knows what it’s like to grieve your body & your dreams. I could use support.

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