Grief & Disabilty
I’ve been fighting for disability for almost two years. My court hearing is finally coming up…however I find myself struggling. I had to get my doctors to fill out these forms and I guess I expected push back. I mean I’ve always heard “your too young to be this sick” or “you don’t really need that yet” …..but not this time. This time they all signed. They all filled it out. My lawyer says I’m a slam dunk. I don’t want to be a slam dunk. I don’t really want to be disabled. I don’t want my health deteriorating. I don’t want the state to have it on paper that I’m deteriorating. I just I feel like I’m losing the person I was and I’m scared. I wonder how much of me is left now? I wonder what my life will be. If this will be short term for a few years till I’m better…if this will be my forever.
im not saying being disabled isn’t a worthwhile life, it’s just that I have been sick 10 years now. Not once have I imagined or dreamt of what my life would look like as a disabled person. I dreamt of a cure, of being healthy….and somehow formalizing it with the government…having my doctors just all agree it’s needed. It makes me feel like we are all giving up on that dream. That I’m stuck like I am. Maybe I am….I mean chronic means life long right?
anyway if anyone has been through something similar please let me know…or if anyone knows what it’s like to grieve your body & your dreams. I could use support.
@turnip24 Hey, I haven't gotten far yet with the benefits aspect, but relate a lot otherwise. When I quit school there was a lot of grief associated with that, I extended my medical leave numerous times before quitting as I was holding out hope for a while that I would be well enough to return and even when I had realized it wasn't going to happen I wasn't really to cut that tie quite yet for a while.
When I wasn't working, I think having the official disability government status would have helped validate a lot of what I was dealing with. With something like fatigue sometimes I would self-stigmatized myself as lazy or exaggerating how unwell I felt. I tried to apply then, but my doctor wasn't helpful with the paperwork, so I gave up.
I'm currently trying again. The issues I was dealing with when I had just quit school is better managed, but managing it means resting a fair bit to avoid triggering it. I'm also overall sicker due to other health problems.
The hoops governments have us go through isn't really all that conducive to managing illnesses well and I think it throws in a lot of emotions too. Good luck with your application!