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turquoiseAvocado8062
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2021 Member sinceJune 8, 2016
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Questioning Whether I have Feelings for My Ex-Husband Again
Relationship Stress / by turquoiseAvocado8062
Last post
 January 27th, 2021
...See more I am not really sure what I am hoping to accomplish with this. I don't know if I am looking for answers or if I am just needing to write it out to help me process it, but I will try to make this as brief as possible. My ex-husband and I divorced 14 years ago. We have both since remarried. We had a stint of not talking much except about the kids and brief conversations when we would meet so they could visit with him on his weekends. A situation with one of our children two years ago caused us to start talking more frequently and we have re-established a really great friendship. We would get together and celebrate some holidays at a mutual friend's house, or when I was in town (he lives in another state) I would stop by so the kids could see him. Every time we were together for one of our children's events, he would bring up a fond memory of when he and I were together. His wife would (understandably) get irritated and say something along the lines of, "I know, you already told me this story." Now, he calls me nearly every day to ask how I'm doing and we talk for between 40 and 60 minutes. Some of the conversation is about one of our children, but mostly it is just us talking like we used to when we first started dating. The hard part about all of this is that we are both remarried. For the most part, I like his wife (with the exception of a few things that make me question whether she is with him because she truly loves him or if she's with him because he benefits her, but I keep that to myself) and I do not want to ruin his relationship with her. My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years, we have two beautiful children together as well, so I'm not trying to sabbotage my current marriage either. A few months ago I brought the kids to see him when we were in town and he made a specific effort to meet us at his house rather than meeting where his wife was at. We ran into him at a gas station in the town he lives in as we were leaving town and as I watched him walk away, I felt as though it was surreal. For a moment, I knew he was going to meet his wife, but in my head I thought to myself, "that can't be right because I'm his wife". The other day he and I had an emotional conversation in-person when we met so I could bring the kids home, and he said, "I want to hug you, but you know..." and offered me his hand for a handshake instead. His wife was in the car and I suspect he was worried she'd get upset. I shook his hand and kind of chuckled. What concerns me is that I really wanted a hug from him in that moment. I wanted to feel the comfort of his arms around me. I don't know what to think beyond the fact that I know it doesn't feel right to want a hug from him. That being said, he is also the father of my children, and we've been friends for 24 years. I suspect he has feelings for me too given how often he calls, but I obviously cannot claim to know how he feels.
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